Chaos Ala Carte

"You'll become embroiled in a vicious conflict between those who feel Queens of the Stone Age are overrated and those who want control of the cocaine trade on the Eastern Seaboard. "

Yesterday was one of many lows in my recent, albeit unreliable, memory. I quite literally broke down in tears on the shoulder of a poor, unsuspecting tow truck driver. This gentleman was simply there to drop off a few forklifts, a skid loader and a tractor in the hopes of obtaining a simple signature for the expense. The icing on the cake? He hadn't even uttered a word when this all occurred. I exited the door of our building to meet the man and made a b-line for the aforementioned shoulder. Had the roles been reversed, I probably would have darted off into the forest in the hopes of averting disaster. To his credit, he was quite empathetic - if not vaguely amused.

I don't proclaim to be a pillar of strength, here - or even stable enough to maintain accreditation among the sane. But for god's sake, woman! Pull it together! As eluded to previously, there has been a whirlwind of upheaval around this Popsicle stand as of late.... and by "late", let's go ahead and toss in the 5 years I've been here for good measure. At the moment, we all find ourselves without leadership, direction, or frankly a bloody clue.

This statement ought to sum up the apparent apocalypse at hand: People from all the various departments are coming to me for guidance. I know. Things are THAT bad! Don't get me wrong, I can bullshit my way around the instructions to construct a wooden box.... but that is about the extent of it - additionally providing wiggle room regarding the actual functionality of the box..... And once again, I digress.

I have known for months that March of 2011 promised to be tumultuous. The metaphorical arrival of hell on earth. The countdown to going live in a new software system, the end of our fiscal year, the closure of one of my favorite projects, a government inventory, a new insurance policy year, the renewal date for our HazMat permits.... But wait! There's more! And truly, if given the time, I would fancifully and dramatically exaggerate this all until every last one of you three were downright dazzled at my superhero abilities. Alas, normal people most likely deal with this sort of thing on a daily basis. One of my MANY faults? I take it all far too seriously, and personally.

Akin to that grungy, moldy sponge that reeks of something approaching cabbage or an equally pungent residue - I absorb it all until I'm a festering mess. I care too damn much. I toss myself into the depths of despair if I don't respond to business emails in under 3 minutes. I declare myself a loser if I can't listen to (and solve) the problems of each and every person who wanders into my office each day. Sooner than admit I can't recall the first 10 minutes of that Excel class I took 7 years ago, I will toil late into the night Googling suggestions for the formulas, macros and crosswalks which lay before me. Clearly, I even forget to duct tape my mouth before blurting out "YES! I would be HAPPY to help you!" while already in the midst of a deadline. What some call work ethic, I'm going to totally and completely blame on Catholic guilt.

It angers me that people can simply blow things off or (really convincingly) feign ignorance to get out of taking on so much as their OWN responsibilities. Then again, is it really anger I feel or the epitome of jealousy? This carries over far beyond the boundaries of the working world. I often find myself envying those who are content in aloofnessocity (spell-check THAT, bitch! :) ). Envious of apathy.

Then I come to my senses.

Things are tough all over the world. Everyone has problems. Everyone has stresses. Many think their trials top those of the next guy or gal. Not this broad. At the end of the day - even when I sense I couldn't have screwed things up more royally and I'm getting ready to have a complete and utter nervous breakdown (thanks and apologies go to far too many people to list here, for diffusing THAT bomb!)... I find myself blessed beyond belief. I have a phenomenal family. Simply extraordinary friends. Love it or lump it - a job. My legs aren't painted on. This list goes on and on....

 It's not the end of the world..... BUT! It's almost the end of March of 2011. And for that, in particular, I will soon (yes, that's my story) be raising my glass in a deliciously intoxicating middle finger of farewell.

Ciao for now,
-A

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Kitty

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Chaos Ala Carte

"You'll become embroiled in a vicious conflict between those who feel Queens of the Stone Age are overrated and those who want control of the cocaine trade on the Eastern Seaboard. "

Yesterday was one of many lows in my recent, albeit unreliable, memory. I quite literally broke down in tears on the shoulder of a poor, unsuspecting tow truck driver. This gentleman was simply there to drop off a few forklifts, a skid loader and a tractor in the hopes of obtaining a simple signature for the expense. The icing on the cake? He hadn't even uttered a word when this all occurred. I exited the door of our building to meet the man and made a b-line for the aforementioned shoulder. Had the roles been reversed, I probably would have darted off into the forest in the hopes of averting disaster. To his credit, he was quite empathetic - if not vaguely amused.

I don't proclaim to be a pillar of strength, here - or even stable enough to maintain accreditation among the sane. But for god's sake, woman! Pull it together! As eluded to previously, there has been a whirlwind of upheaval around this Popsicle stand as of late.... and by "late", let's go ahead and toss in the 5 years I've been here for good measure. At the moment, we all find ourselves without leadership, direction, or frankly a bloody clue.

This statement ought to sum up the apparent apocalypse at hand: People from all the various departments are coming to me for guidance. I know. Things are THAT bad! Don't get me wrong, I can bullshit my way around the instructions to construct a wooden box.... but that is about the extent of it - additionally providing wiggle room regarding the actual functionality of the box..... And once again, I digress.

I have known for months that March of 2011 promised to be tumultuous. The metaphorical arrival of hell on earth. The countdown to going live in a new software system, the end of our fiscal year, the closure of one of my favorite projects, a government inventory, a new insurance policy year, the renewal date for our HazMat permits.... But wait! There's more! And truly, if given the time, I would fancifully and dramatically exaggerate this all until every last one of you three were downright dazzled at my superhero abilities. Alas, normal people most likely deal with this sort of thing on a daily basis. One of my MANY faults? I take it all far too seriously, and personally.

Akin to that grungy, moldy sponge that reeks of something approaching cabbage or an equally pungent residue - I absorb it all until I'm a festering mess. I care too damn much. I toss myself into the depths of despair if I don't respond to business emails in under 3 minutes. I declare myself a loser if I can't listen to (and solve) the problems of each and every person who wanders into my office each day. Sooner than admit I can't recall the first 10 minutes of that Excel class I took 7 years ago, I will toil late into the night Googling suggestions for the formulas, macros and crosswalks which lay before me. Clearly, I even forget to duct tape my mouth before blurting out "YES! I would be HAPPY to help you!" while already in the midst of a deadline. What some call work ethic, I'm going to totally and completely blame on Catholic guilt.

It angers me that people can simply blow things off or (really convincingly) feign ignorance to get out of taking on so much as their OWN responsibilities. Then again, is it really anger I feel or the epitome of jealousy? This carries over far beyond the boundaries of the working world. I often find myself envying those who are content in aloofnessocity (spell-check THAT, bitch! :) ). Envious of apathy.

Then I come to my senses.

Things are tough all over the world. Everyone has problems. Everyone has stresses. Many think their trials top those of the next guy or gal. Not this broad. At the end of the day - even when I sense I couldn't have screwed things up more royally and I'm getting ready to have a complete and utter nervous breakdown (thanks and apologies go to far too many people to list here, for diffusing THAT bomb!)... I find myself blessed beyond belief. I have a phenomenal family. Simply extraordinary friends. Love it or lump it - a job. My legs aren't painted on. This list goes on and on....

 It's not the end of the world..... BUT! It's almost the end of March of 2011. And for that, in particular, I will soon (yes, that's my story) be raising my glass in a deliciously intoxicating middle finger of farewell.

Ciao for now,
-A

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