L'Eggo My Ego

 "You will gain a much greater understanding of what makes women tick when you take one apart and study her in minute detail."

It may come as no surprise, but I chewed through the restraints and decided to press forward with the ramblings. In the name of prudence, I have additionally obtained extra insurance coverage against beer truck fatalities. :)  Now that we have all the petty details addressed, let's move along, shall we?

Every morning, around 3-ish, I awake with the resolve to be a better person. That's a lie - first, I get my bearings to ensure I'm not still hanging from a tree branch - over a sea of ravenous garden gnomes in the pits of hell - by one ankle....then I fight through the blind haze in the hopes of locating some coffee post-haste, THEN, I resolve to be a better person. It seems one must first clarify and define "better person" before packing up the 'ol knapsack on a stick and setting off on that path.

For me, it's ringing increasingly truer by the day that we all must love ourselves before we can truly and deeply love anyone else. Those nagging little bits of negativity bring to mind this lyric I adore: "If you place a thing into the center of your life that lacks the power to nourish, it will eventually poison everything that you are and destroy you. A simple a thing as an idea. Or your perspective on yourself of the world. No one can be the source of your contempt. It lies within, in the center..."

Just as we are all our own worst enemy, we are similarly the only REAL obstruction on that backwoods trail to a better place. My better place is one where I don't feel pressured to "tone down" my personality or endure the muddy soles of all those headed up the nearby ladder I'm too afraid to climb. (***Quick Note From The Author: Are you as entertained as I by my sense of empowerment one moment and my weepy pity tea parties the next? Yes? Sweet - thought so! :)***)

I fondly recall an evening I had dinner with my father, stepmother, and a colleague guest of theirs. The guest (her name sadly escapes me) was a marvelous woman. Her character and charisma could light a stadium. I can only imagine the silly stars in my eyes as I hung on her every word with eager fascination. And it was not a one way lecture or seminar of a conversation - she was so engaging and genuinely interested in my responses to her inquiries. One moment, in particular, shall be forever etched in my memory (by now, you surely realize what a rare gem THAT one is!): She asked how I viewed myself.

Such a vague and shocking question. How does one answer something like that? "Ummm 5' 6" single [at the time, I was] blond who enjoys long walks on the beach and the occasional adult beverage...."  No, I actually responded without hesitation in one word: "Misfit". A bit to my dismay, she was appalled at my response. But as she explained further, a myriad of rays of sunlight poked pinholes in the dark cloud over my head. "NEVER, AND I MEAN NEVER EVER SAY THAT ABOUT YOURSELF AGAIN!" Mind you, I still stumble from time to time and throw that little label in, but the message was crystal clear: The most seemingly insignificant words uttered aloud have the power to alter the very cells in your body. As it turns out, she was a scientist and had spent much of her life studying this theory at length.

If you think yourself worthless and small, that is all you ever shall be. Have you ever noticed that when you walk with an air of confidence and a spring in your step, there is little that can get in your way? (The bruises suggest that brick walls don't figure into that statement, by the by) No matter how insecure the little girl within is, if I make an effort to overcome that, I can quite possibly take on the world. Add 6" heels to that, and I can even flavor the new found confidence w/ a sprinkling of a Napoleanesque attitude :)

The facts are these: I will never have the figure of a Barbie Doll, I will never be a culinary genius, I will never be a "natural" blond again, I will never be a gifted an artist like my brother, I will always have a protruding jawline, I will never win the lottery, my eyebrows will never grow back and without heels, I will probably only shrink from my current 5'4" stature...... And you know what?..... That's OK! I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR, GODDAMNIT! If I allow it, I can be that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I have worth, I have something to offer, and darnit, some people like me hee hee!

Once I'm done burning my bra then promptly slipping into that '50's era June Cleaver house dress, I should probably get back to reality (and back to work *ick*). But in my quest for that Holy Grail of a better person, my first step is to love myself a little more each day. Turns out a little selfishness can, in fact, contribute to being a better person to all those around me.

Who knew?

-The Slightly New & Improved Ninja Kitty Extraordinaire


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Kitty

Monday, March 28, 2011

L'Eggo My Ego

 "You will gain a much greater understanding of what makes women tick when you take one apart and study her in minute detail."

It may come as no surprise, but I chewed through the restraints and decided to press forward with the ramblings. In the name of prudence, I have additionally obtained extra insurance coverage against beer truck fatalities. :)  Now that we have all the petty details addressed, let's move along, shall we?

Every morning, around 3-ish, I awake with the resolve to be a better person. That's a lie - first, I get my bearings to ensure I'm not still hanging from a tree branch - over a sea of ravenous garden gnomes in the pits of hell - by one ankle....then I fight through the blind haze in the hopes of locating some coffee post-haste, THEN, I resolve to be a better person. It seems one must first clarify and define "better person" before packing up the 'ol knapsack on a stick and setting off on that path.

For me, it's ringing increasingly truer by the day that we all must love ourselves before we can truly and deeply love anyone else. Those nagging little bits of negativity bring to mind this lyric I adore: "If you place a thing into the center of your life that lacks the power to nourish, it will eventually poison everything that you are and destroy you. A simple a thing as an idea. Or your perspective on yourself of the world. No one can be the source of your contempt. It lies within, in the center..."

Just as we are all our own worst enemy, we are similarly the only REAL obstruction on that backwoods trail to a better place. My better place is one where I don't feel pressured to "tone down" my personality or endure the muddy soles of all those headed up the nearby ladder I'm too afraid to climb. (***Quick Note From The Author: Are you as entertained as I by my sense of empowerment one moment and my weepy pity tea parties the next? Yes? Sweet - thought so! :)***)

I fondly recall an evening I had dinner with my father, stepmother, and a colleague guest of theirs. The guest (her name sadly escapes me) was a marvelous woman. Her character and charisma could light a stadium. I can only imagine the silly stars in my eyes as I hung on her every word with eager fascination. And it was not a one way lecture or seminar of a conversation - she was so engaging and genuinely interested in my responses to her inquiries. One moment, in particular, shall be forever etched in my memory (by now, you surely realize what a rare gem THAT one is!): She asked how I viewed myself.

Such a vague and shocking question. How does one answer something like that? "Ummm 5' 6" single [at the time, I was] blond who enjoys long walks on the beach and the occasional adult beverage...."  No, I actually responded without hesitation in one word: "Misfit". A bit to my dismay, she was appalled at my response. But as she explained further, a myriad of rays of sunlight poked pinholes in the dark cloud over my head. "NEVER, AND I MEAN NEVER EVER SAY THAT ABOUT YOURSELF AGAIN!" Mind you, I still stumble from time to time and throw that little label in, but the message was crystal clear: The most seemingly insignificant words uttered aloud have the power to alter the very cells in your body. As it turns out, she was a scientist and had spent much of her life studying this theory at length.

If you think yourself worthless and small, that is all you ever shall be. Have you ever noticed that when you walk with an air of confidence and a spring in your step, there is little that can get in your way? (The bruises suggest that brick walls don't figure into that statement, by the by) No matter how insecure the little girl within is, if I make an effort to overcome that, I can quite possibly take on the world. Add 6" heels to that, and I can even flavor the new found confidence w/ a sprinkling of a Napoleanesque attitude :)

The facts are these: I will never have the figure of a Barbie Doll, I will never be a culinary genius, I will never be a "natural" blond again, I will never be a gifted an artist like my brother, I will always have a protruding jawline, I will never win the lottery, my eyebrows will never grow back and without heels, I will probably only shrink from my current 5'4" stature...... And you know what?..... That's OK! I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR, GODDAMNIT! If I allow it, I can be that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I have worth, I have something to offer, and darnit, some people like me hee hee!

Once I'm done burning my bra then promptly slipping into that '50's era June Cleaver house dress, I should probably get back to reality (and back to work *ick*). But in my quest for that Holy Grail of a better person, my first step is to love myself a little more each day. Turns out a little selfishness can, in fact, contribute to being a better person to all those around me.

Who knew?

-The Slightly New & Improved Ninja Kitty Extraordinaire


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