Let's Go Skinny Dipping In DeNial!

"Your plan to fake your own death will be thoroughly convincing right up through the autopsy. "

"And if they ever ask about me, tell them I was more than just a great set of boobs. I was also an incredible pair of legs. And tell them... tell them that I never turned down a friend. I... never turned down a stranger for that matter. And tell them... tell them that when all is said and done, I only ask that people remember me by two simple words...
....Any two, as long as they're simple."
-Elvira

Multiple Personalities, or Multi-Faceted? No matter - While I was composing the earlier post, this was weighing heavily on my mind (and pressing even more heavily on my innards) so I thought I'd go ahead and spit it out. I'm beginning to freak out a bit about my continual health issues. I'm not going to feign ignorance,  here - I couldn't be more to blame. My "healthy lifestyle" could easily be summed up with the question "Do you even fucking try?"  I'm one of those pesky statistics who, right up to the end, protest with nothing more substantial than "Well I didn't think it would happen to ME!"  My diet would horrify a lab rat, I abuse pills, smoke almost 1-1/2 packs of menthols a day, often try to stay under 400 calorie-consumption just to see if I can and even a trip to the mailbox can stress me out to the brink of a stroke.... I laugh in the face of danger, then display a look of naive shock when I find myself in a hospital bed on a sunny Saturday morning when I should be eating sugar cereal and watching cartoons with my boys.

Why, if so panicked, don't I make a change? I'm not sure I remember HOW to. Just as it's easier to advise others with emotional issues, it's so much simpler to know what I'm doing wrong than to correct it. Trouble is, I can't continue being so bloody selfish. I have a family to consider. My peskily over worrying mother had to pose that one question that brings on more guilt than all of the Vatican could muster: "Do you want your boys to grow up without a Mama?". Jesus f*cking christ, did you have to go THERE? I do so well taking full responsibility in every other area of my life - can't I be absolutely reckless in this one?

*Sigh* The answer is quite clearly no. And once again, I state that, and it's like that slap on the wrist - I'm still going to walk away doing exactly what I did yesterday and the day before that. Not sure what rock bottom promises to be for me, but I'm willing to wager it won't be good. Any suggestions? And please keep in mind, if you simply reprimand me, I'm likely to nod & smile politely like the brat I am :)

Yep. A definite cry for help this time.
-A

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Kitty

Monday, April 11, 2011

Let's Go Skinny Dipping In DeNial!

"Your plan to fake your own death will be thoroughly convincing right up through the autopsy. "

"And if they ever ask about me, tell them I was more than just a great set of boobs. I was also an incredible pair of legs. And tell them... tell them that I never turned down a friend. I... never turned down a stranger for that matter. And tell them... tell them that when all is said and done, I only ask that people remember me by two simple words...
....Any two, as long as they're simple."
-Elvira

Multiple Personalities, or Multi-Faceted? No matter - While I was composing the earlier post, this was weighing heavily on my mind (and pressing even more heavily on my innards) so I thought I'd go ahead and spit it out. I'm beginning to freak out a bit about my continual health issues. I'm not going to feign ignorance,  here - I couldn't be more to blame. My "healthy lifestyle" could easily be summed up with the question "Do you even fucking try?"  I'm one of those pesky statistics who, right up to the end, protest with nothing more substantial than "Well I didn't think it would happen to ME!"  My diet would horrify a lab rat, I abuse pills, smoke almost 1-1/2 packs of menthols a day, often try to stay under 400 calorie-consumption just to see if I can and even a trip to the mailbox can stress me out to the brink of a stroke.... I laugh in the face of danger, then display a look of naive shock when I find myself in a hospital bed on a sunny Saturday morning when I should be eating sugar cereal and watching cartoons with my boys.

Why, if so panicked, don't I make a change? I'm not sure I remember HOW to. Just as it's easier to advise others with emotional issues, it's so much simpler to know what I'm doing wrong than to correct it. Trouble is, I can't continue being so bloody selfish. I have a family to consider. My peskily over worrying mother had to pose that one question that brings on more guilt than all of the Vatican could muster: "Do you want your boys to grow up without a Mama?". Jesus f*cking christ, did you have to go THERE? I do so well taking full responsibility in every other area of my life - can't I be absolutely reckless in this one?

*Sigh* The answer is quite clearly no. And once again, I state that, and it's like that slap on the wrist - I'm still going to walk away doing exactly what I did yesterday and the day before that. Not sure what rock bottom promises to be for me, but I'm willing to wager it won't be good. Any suggestions? And please keep in mind, if you simply reprimand me, I'm likely to nod & smile politely like the brat I am :)

Yep. A definite cry for help this time.
-A

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