Death Metal & Chocolate

"Your worth is finally proven when firefighters burst into your blazing apartment and save your puffy-sticker collection, leaving you to die. "

Some days, when it's entirely clear that you've just been bitten in the ass for wondering aloud "COULD THIS WEEK GET ANY WORSE!?", you are faced with the fact that there is little that could possibly rectify the situation. I just stumbled upon the contents of "little": Death Metal & Chocolate.

A few hours ago, before all shit hit the proverbial fan (but after the foam soap incident du jour), a gentleman who has - well let's be frank - been a complete leech on what's left of my soul, came strutting into my office. I braced myself and tried casually reaching for the nearest blunt weapon with all the stealth of a Tourette-inflicted ninja. One would normally be able to sniff out the arrogance he exudes from a good 3 miles off, but it seems I woke up this morning armed only with the abilities to smell aforementioned soap. As the disdain was slithering up my esophagus in eager readiness to come bursting out in a fit of wrath, he reached in his briefcase and set something on my desk. I almost choked on said disdain!

Chocolate. Precisely 3 oz. (85 g) of pure milk chocolate. Straight from Alaska and sporting a surly grizzly bear who looks like he might possibly vomit the salmon he just ingested a few hours prior. Never mind that.... CHOCOLATE *drool*.....



Normally, I'm not one of those types dazzled by empty calories. I can't say I normally have any of those sorts of cravings. Or I didn't USED to be that type. They say your cravings are indicative of that which your body is lacking. If you crave chocolate, you have an iron deficiency. Quiche Lorraine? - Roughage. I don't know. I made that last part up. When I was pregnant, I craved Slurpees - does that mean I'm severely lacking water of the frozen and crushed variety, or just really missing my old Snoopy Snowcone Maker? Regardless, I had a newly acquired present of milk-chocolaty pleasure.

So here I am.... still stewing over the events of the week thus far while nursing both a bruised big toe and ego, when one of my favorite tunes shuffles on. The deep growling angst of some far off Scandinavian country (or they could be from Detroit - who the hell knows?) starts filling the air and I feel my blood pressure lowering nicely.



EUREKA!!!!! I had never consciously thought to combine the pleasures of angry music AND chocolate before.... Not sure why in the hell not, it makes perfect sense! The universal balance resulting most directly from velvety smooth melt-in-your-mouth cocoa delicacies tantalizing every nerve ending precisely at the moment hateful and indistinguishable lyrics are reverberating down your ear canals.... I'm a little disappointed no one has thought to place the two on an end cap together. Possibly more disappointed I just revealed this scrumptious duo publicly without securing some sort of patent first.... Ahh well. Once in awhile, I get a hankering for offering some of my gems of knowledge to unsuspecting passersby.

You're Welcome. :)

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Kitty

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Death Metal & Chocolate

"Your worth is finally proven when firefighters burst into your blazing apartment and save your puffy-sticker collection, leaving you to die. "

Some days, when it's entirely clear that you've just been bitten in the ass for wondering aloud "COULD THIS WEEK GET ANY WORSE!?", you are faced with the fact that there is little that could possibly rectify the situation. I just stumbled upon the contents of "little": Death Metal & Chocolate.

A few hours ago, before all shit hit the proverbial fan (but after the foam soap incident du jour), a gentleman who has - well let's be frank - been a complete leech on what's left of my soul, came strutting into my office. I braced myself and tried casually reaching for the nearest blunt weapon with all the stealth of a Tourette-inflicted ninja. One would normally be able to sniff out the arrogance he exudes from a good 3 miles off, but it seems I woke up this morning armed only with the abilities to smell aforementioned soap. As the disdain was slithering up my esophagus in eager readiness to come bursting out in a fit of wrath, he reached in his briefcase and set something on my desk. I almost choked on said disdain!

Chocolate. Precisely 3 oz. (85 g) of pure milk chocolate. Straight from Alaska and sporting a surly grizzly bear who looks like he might possibly vomit the salmon he just ingested a few hours prior. Never mind that.... CHOCOLATE *drool*.....



Normally, I'm not one of those types dazzled by empty calories. I can't say I normally have any of those sorts of cravings. Or I didn't USED to be that type. They say your cravings are indicative of that which your body is lacking. If you crave chocolate, you have an iron deficiency. Quiche Lorraine? - Roughage. I don't know. I made that last part up. When I was pregnant, I craved Slurpees - does that mean I'm severely lacking water of the frozen and crushed variety, or just really missing my old Snoopy Snowcone Maker? Regardless, I had a newly acquired present of milk-chocolaty pleasure.

So here I am.... still stewing over the events of the week thus far while nursing both a bruised big toe and ego, when one of my favorite tunes shuffles on. The deep growling angst of some far off Scandinavian country (or they could be from Detroit - who the hell knows?) starts filling the air and I feel my blood pressure lowering nicely.



EUREKA!!!!! I had never consciously thought to combine the pleasures of angry music AND chocolate before.... Not sure why in the hell not, it makes perfect sense! The universal balance resulting most directly from velvety smooth melt-in-your-mouth cocoa delicacies tantalizing every nerve ending precisely at the moment hateful and indistinguishable lyrics are reverberating down your ear canals.... I'm a little disappointed no one has thought to place the two on an end cap together. Possibly more disappointed I just revealed this scrumptious duo publicly without securing some sort of patent first.... Ahh well. Once in awhile, I get a hankering for offering some of my gems of knowledge to unsuspecting passersby.

You're Welcome. :)

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