I'll See Your 5 And Raise You 10-Life...

" When your doctor prescribed Magnitor, you thought it was an anti-depressant, not a mutant 500-foot lizard-gorilla creature with nuclear vision. "

What with The Rapture approaching rapidly according to several completely biased and unreliable sites, I muse about where I am in my life and what I have left to do. To be honest, these thoughts have less to do with concerns of the apocalypse and more to do with a bullshit task placed on all of us at work - With little to no real thought or preparation, go ahead and sum up your dreams & aspirations for the next 1-3 years, as well as 5 years out.

Your typical HR nonsense - a bit of a jolly little game to screw with the heads of employees whose combined morale has long since sailed off into the sewage system. I rattled off a few obligatory "goals", made it look pretty with sprinklings of buzzwords and catchphrases and sent it on it's way. It took everything I had not to crudely scrawl out "My only goal is to stay employed long enough to pay the bills until I win the lottery or get hit by a beer truck". Although it was a toss-up between that and "5 Year Goal: Thai Hooker".

Once the task at hand is satisfied, off I go into my thoughts of "Sweet merciful jesus - where do I REALLY think I'll be (or hope to be) in 5 years???" Hell - even 1 year of planning would give me a delightful sense of having the slightest bit of perceived control. I'm relatively shell-shocked, as it is, to look back upon all that's happened between running away from home and the present. I could swear I wrote in blood somewhere that I wasn't planning on getting married, having kids, or selling my soul to work for the government. Huh. Ain't that some shit? And don't misunderstand - the marriage and kiddo part bloody well rocks. If it weren't for them, it is entirely possible I WOULD be a Thai Hooker by now.... Or at least in a low-end institution - maybe even of the maximum-security variety. In Detroit. Yikes. Left to my own devices, I rather suck!... I'm really hoping no one ever bothered to retrieve the DNA off that promise written in Type O Positive.....

Strange... when I added the horoscope at the top, I had initially planned on going off on an entirely different tangent. Yes. I guess not that strange. This is my compilation of ramblings, so I suppose I can do whatever I damn well please, no? Once in awhile, I revisit a moment in time when my uncle (you remember him... the one stuck in 1952 or so?) announced to my mom that I should go back to school and that he would foot the bill. The only catch? He insists I go to CalTech because he feels that would quite simply be best - why settle, right? I'm all for being lavished with the attention of those few lunatics who have no question of my perceived brilliance, but this one possibly took the cake. In the same breath - I actually.... for the moment.... stand behind my decision to leave one year shy of a degree.

So what is in the stars for Ninja Kitty? That's the beauty of it. I'm flexible. I strive not to regret the past and I honestly don't easily cave to the future expectations of those who don't truly know me. The world is continually changing before our very eyes. It is wholly possible that this coming Saturday, dozens of blow-up dolls will be released from the back door of a van that has just been in an accident signaling The Rapture is, in fact, upon us (***For My Dee :)***). It is also possible that this coming Saturday will simply go as initially planned and I be visiting my dear friend and second mom who is going through a bout with Cancer. Following that, it is possible that I will be meeting an amazing and beautiful woman and her family for the first time. Someone I feel I've known for a lifetime despite never seeing her in person. We will let our boys play in the park and follow it up with a spectacular dinner at a kickass diner up one of the canyons.

If one is too busy fretting about all the future holds, it will be all too easy to miss what is going on around you. I am most certainly as guilty of this as anyone. But I try. I try to take a step back or out or up in the sky even. Something to remove my true self from the self that loathes itself and suffers at the hand of all it's own insecurities. Earlier in the day, I was quite down. Weepy. A bit cough-y and phlegm-y too... Maybe even thirsty.... Anyhoo - I was in a selfish moment of misery. Somehow, against the odds, I am now sitting here with a grin across my lips. It's raining. I'm content. And I don't give a damn where I am in 5 years, as long as my family and extended family of friends are healthy, safe and happy. A gal has every right to dream, no?

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Kitty

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I'll See Your 5 And Raise You 10-Life...

" When your doctor prescribed Magnitor, you thought it was an anti-depressant, not a mutant 500-foot lizard-gorilla creature with nuclear vision. "

What with The Rapture approaching rapidly according to several completely biased and unreliable sites, I muse about where I am in my life and what I have left to do. To be honest, these thoughts have less to do with concerns of the apocalypse and more to do with a bullshit task placed on all of us at work - With little to no real thought or preparation, go ahead and sum up your dreams & aspirations for the next 1-3 years, as well as 5 years out.

Your typical HR nonsense - a bit of a jolly little game to screw with the heads of employees whose combined morale has long since sailed off into the sewage system. I rattled off a few obligatory "goals", made it look pretty with sprinklings of buzzwords and catchphrases and sent it on it's way. It took everything I had not to crudely scrawl out "My only goal is to stay employed long enough to pay the bills until I win the lottery or get hit by a beer truck". Although it was a toss-up between that and "5 Year Goal: Thai Hooker".

Once the task at hand is satisfied, off I go into my thoughts of "Sweet merciful jesus - where do I REALLY think I'll be (or hope to be) in 5 years???" Hell - even 1 year of planning would give me a delightful sense of having the slightest bit of perceived control. I'm relatively shell-shocked, as it is, to look back upon all that's happened between running away from home and the present. I could swear I wrote in blood somewhere that I wasn't planning on getting married, having kids, or selling my soul to work for the government. Huh. Ain't that some shit? And don't misunderstand - the marriage and kiddo part bloody well rocks. If it weren't for them, it is entirely possible I WOULD be a Thai Hooker by now.... Or at least in a low-end institution - maybe even of the maximum-security variety. In Detroit. Yikes. Left to my own devices, I rather suck!... I'm really hoping no one ever bothered to retrieve the DNA off that promise written in Type O Positive.....

Strange... when I added the horoscope at the top, I had initially planned on going off on an entirely different tangent. Yes. I guess not that strange. This is my compilation of ramblings, so I suppose I can do whatever I damn well please, no? Once in awhile, I revisit a moment in time when my uncle (you remember him... the one stuck in 1952 or so?) announced to my mom that I should go back to school and that he would foot the bill. The only catch? He insists I go to CalTech because he feels that would quite simply be best - why settle, right? I'm all for being lavished with the attention of those few lunatics who have no question of my perceived brilliance, but this one possibly took the cake. In the same breath - I actually.... for the moment.... stand behind my decision to leave one year shy of a degree.

So what is in the stars for Ninja Kitty? That's the beauty of it. I'm flexible. I strive not to regret the past and I honestly don't easily cave to the future expectations of those who don't truly know me. The world is continually changing before our very eyes. It is wholly possible that this coming Saturday, dozens of blow-up dolls will be released from the back door of a van that has just been in an accident signaling The Rapture is, in fact, upon us (***For My Dee :)***). It is also possible that this coming Saturday will simply go as initially planned and I be visiting my dear friend and second mom who is going through a bout with Cancer. Following that, it is possible that I will be meeting an amazing and beautiful woman and her family for the first time. Someone I feel I've known for a lifetime despite never seeing her in person. We will let our boys play in the park and follow it up with a spectacular dinner at a kickass diner up one of the canyons.

If one is too busy fretting about all the future holds, it will be all too easy to miss what is going on around you. I am most certainly as guilty of this as anyone. But I try. I try to take a step back or out or up in the sky even. Something to remove my true self from the self that loathes itself and suffers at the hand of all it's own insecurities. Earlier in the day, I was quite down. Weepy. A bit cough-y and phlegm-y too... Maybe even thirsty.... Anyhoo - I was in a selfish moment of misery. Somehow, against the odds, I am now sitting here with a grin across my lips. It's raining. I'm content. And I don't give a damn where I am in 5 years, as long as my family and extended family of friends are healthy, safe and happy. A gal has every right to dream, no?

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