Nightmarish Nonsense

" The stars are serious this time: If they ever catch you with those fucking tea leaves again, you can kiss the last 15 years goodbye. "

In the name of pure habit, I routinely scour my horoscopes from assorted sources. OK, so it's probably only partially habit... the other contributing factor is that I have very limited cell phone data reception when I'm hiding out in my garage - and really, the hourly weather forecast can only entertain me for so long... Anyhoo, for the last few days, my MSN horoscope has been curiously eluding to a revealing dream I (not to mention every other Cancer on the planet) was to have. Further, as this dream was destined to hold the answer to all of life's mysteries, it was suggested I jot down the contents of such upon waking. The emphasis placed on this pending event was really rather intriguing as normally the damn things are all over the map and couldn't be more off-base.



So each subsequent night this week, I was armed with a pen and the knowledge I would only have a limited window of opportunity to actually get enough sleep that would enable a dream or two. Yes, yes, I'm well aware they happen in a matter of mere seconds, but I know myself enough to know if I don't get a hell of a lot of sleep, I don't ever go into a deep enough trance to generate one. Or if I do... well never mind that - just trust me on this one.

Finally last night - it happened. Oh, but this was no dream - this was the muthafuckin' queen of traumatizing nightmares, seasoned with goddamned fire & brimstone.... At one moment, acts of the most vengeful god imaginable... A roof crumbling under the weight of torrential hurricanes and the blinding strobe-light lightning overhead - visions of crushed corpses and recorded calls for help looping over and again in the distance as projected through an archaic megaphone....In no more than an instant, I'm running down the sterile white hallways of a sanitarium or morgue....naked, soaked in blood from head to toe, frigidly cold and terrified - slipping on the polished surface and unable to scream.... Suddenly standing beside myself as I'm curled up in a corner, still amidst a horrifying pool of that blood... A ritualistic gathering of faceless people in the next room...A room adorned by purple silk banners and thousands of candles with faint scents of disgustingly sweet incense...This went on and on... I repeatedly woke up throughout the night, drenched in sweat and shaking uncontrollably, but I'd quickly drift right back where the "story" left off. My alarm clock could not have gone off soon enough for my liking!



WHAT THE FUCK!? This piece of shit encounter holds the answers to all the nagging questions in my head? Granted, I hold a deep-seeded love of horror movies and a thrill borne of chaos, but even I'm not that fucking sick!

In a state of utter shell shock, I stumble out to the garage... hands trembling to where lighting my cigarette is a challenge all it's own... I pull up this morning's horoscope on autopilot and this is what meets my gaze: "Start today on the right foot by projecting a positive mood and healthy mindset, Cancer...Attitude is everything.." I'm pretty sure my response was unleashed out loud: "FUCK YOU, MSN!!!!! FUCK YOU AND YOUR COMPLETE MIND-FUCKING LOAD OF HORSE-SHIT!!!!!" I feel like I was mentally, emotionally and spiritually raped by a 500HP chainsaw and the no-talent-ass-clown-of-an-author is going to spew this lightheartedly judgemental garbage? If it's attitude you want, this broad is ready to dance!

Well, I'm finally calming down nicely, no thanks to the four (and counting) cups of coffee consumed. I've additionally made a resolution to take an extended vacation from the likes of all things zodiac. In the meantime, if I'm three sheets to the wind by noon? Totally not my fault. It will be the direct result of having to look nervously over my shoulder all day to ensure that zero answers were just revealed!


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Kitty

Friday, May 6, 2011

Nightmarish Nonsense

" The stars are serious this time: If they ever catch you with those fucking tea leaves again, you can kiss the last 15 years goodbye. "

In the name of pure habit, I routinely scour my horoscopes from assorted sources. OK, so it's probably only partially habit... the other contributing factor is that I have very limited cell phone data reception when I'm hiding out in my garage - and really, the hourly weather forecast can only entertain me for so long... Anyhoo, for the last few days, my MSN horoscope has been curiously eluding to a revealing dream I (not to mention every other Cancer on the planet) was to have. Further, as this dream was destined to hold the answer to all of life's mysteries, it was suggested I jot down the contents of such upon waking. The emphasis placed on this pending event was really rather intriguing as normally the damn things are all over the map and couldn't be more off-base.



So each subsequent night this week, I was armed with a pen and the knowledge I would only have a limited window of opportunity to actually get enough sleep that would enable a dream or two. Yes, yes, I'm well aware they happen in a matter of mere seconds, but I know myself enough to know if I don't get a hell of a lot of sleep, I don't ever go into a deep enough trance to generate one. Or if I do... well never mind that - just trust me on this one.

Finally last night - it happened. Oh, but this was no dream - this was the muthafuckin' queen of traumatizing nightmares, seasoned with goddamned fire & brimstone.... At one moment, acts of the most vengeful god imaginable... A roof crumbling under the weight of torrential hurricanes and the blinding strobe-light lightning overhead - visions of crushed corpses and recorded calls for help looping over and again in the distance as projected through an archaic megaphone....In no more than an instant, I'm running down the sterile white hallways of a sanitarium or morgue....naked, soaked in blood from head to toe, frigidly cold and terrified - slipping on the polished surface and unable to scream.... Suddenly standing beside myself as I'm curled up in a corner, still amidst a horrifying pool of that blood... A ritualistic gathering of faceless people in the next room...A room adorned by purple silk banners and thousands of candles with faint scents of disgustingly sweet incense...This went on and on... I repeatedly woke up throughout the night, drenched in sweat and shaking uncontrollably, but I'd quickly drift right back where the "story" left off. My alarm clock could not have gone off soon enough for my liking!



WHAT THE FUCK!? This piece of shit encounter holds the answers to all the nagging questions in my head? Granted, I hold a deep-seeded love of horror movies and a thrill borne of chaos, but even I'm not that fucking sick!

In a state of utter shell shock, I stumble out to the garage... hands trembling to where lighting my cigarette is a challenge all it's own... I pull up this morning's horoscope on autopilot and this is what meets my gaze: "Start today on the right foot by projecting a positive mood and healthy mindset, Cancer...Attitude is everything.." I'm pretty sure my response was unleashed out loud: "FUCK YOU, MSN!!!!! FUCK YOU AND YOUR COMPLETE MIND-FUCKING LOAD OF HORSE-SHIT!!!!!" I feel like I was mentally, emotionally and spiritually raped by a 500HP chainsaw and the no-talent-ass-clown-of-an-author is going to spew this lightheartedly judgemental garbage? If it's attitude you want, this broad is ready to dance!

Well, I'm finally calming down nicely, no thanks to the four (and counting) cups of coffee consumed. I've additionally made a resolution to take an extended vacation from the likes of all things zodiac. In the meantime, if I'm three sheets to the wind by noon? Totally not my fault. It will be the direct result of having to look nervously over my shoulder all day to ensure that zero answers were just revealed!


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