Trix Are For Kids... No Darling, Those Aren't Trix

" You will discover an unfortunate downside to eating too many of those scrumptious, non-fat sleeping pills."

Despite my best (so yes, I pretty well didn't even try) efforts to avoid obsessing over all my various horoscopes, I got quite a kick out of the other-worldly information received yesterday. There's something so delightfully arrogant about picking out all the bits and pieces you think hit the nail on the head. After all, doesn't everyone love hearing how they're destined for greatness for no reason beyond being born on a certain day? Never mind that there are only a few million people in the world who share that honor.....



Regardless - In the name of humility, I was even willing to read the "bad" parts so that I could proudly claim ownership to all of it. Additionally, I figured that would make it slightly more legitimate.*** Not a bad plan, eh? Well this particular combination of entertaining nonsense was actually bordering on spooky. Granted, I already established I'm flexible - I'm a regular Gumby when it suits me. So it's possible I am simply altering myself like liquid latex to fit the form. Still, if I hadn't gone through free, no-obligation channels, I might have even been inspired to pay for it! Almost.... :



"You live like a gypsy without any roots. You have trouble finding a medium between getting stuck and going completely wild: As a result, you are in danger of succumbing to some form of overindulgence, with food, sex, alcohol, drugs or another vice. " 

In my defense, I finally overcame the "food" portion of that.... well.... thanks to the drugs.... Umm.... Moving right along, it was actually almost comforting to find an explanation for all the madness. "By "explanation", does she really mean "scapegoat"?".... Glad you asked! YES!!! I have spent the greater portion of my life seeking the approval of others. It is quite possibly one of my greatest... well.... weaknesses.... Now check THIS shit out: "As a child you were likely dominated and restricted from expressing your needs. The result is that you suppress your own wants in order to please others. This challenge, felt to an extreme, may paralyze you from being aware that your desires are valid and deserve to be met."



So where is all this going? Pure, unadulterated justification for my dependence on pills. Huh? I didn't stutter. I have found that my neighborhood drugstore stocks an over-the-counter solution in a bottle for damn near every desire that sparks my fancy. And for the rest, there's always Amazon. Or that weird, ***"Legitimate" website based in China who sends suspicious packages to me once every few months with "gift" notated on the contents box of the customs form. Some would see red flags a-plenty when a website is literally wallpapered with the word  "Legitimate" in glittery graphics. Those same people simply have no sense of adventure.



Between my dangers of succumbing to pills (and other such vices), and my paralyzation of clearly valid needs: Ninja Kitty is the direct result of fate. The end product of years worth of intervention of the astrological variety. As such, I will no longer make any apology for my habit of popping whatever I can find laying around in the midst of boredom. If it's expired? Hot damn! Even better! It's had that much more time and mystical influence to become a super species of botanical genius!

Ah yes, I forgot to mention that I also bloody well rock. In addition to my dependence on gelcaps of delectability, I am also a legend in my spare time: "Style-wise, you require a flamboyantly colorful, ever-changing wardrobe. There's no sense in spending a fortune on clothes, since your tastes and appearance are always evolving. You can rock the daring, edgy looks better than anyone."



Thinking of having me committed yet? Bring it. I'm sure if I look hard enough, I will find some shady palm reader willing to back up my assertion that I am actually the reincarnation of Houdini and those silly shackles are mere child's play. The world is my oyster...or crab as the case may be.... and I clearly have been wasting my talents on the likes of reality for far too long ;)

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Kitty

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Trix Are For Kids... No Darling, Those Aren't Trix

" You will discover an unfortunate downside to eating too many of those scrumptious, non-fat sleeping pills."

Despite my best (so yes, I pretty well didn't even try) efforts to avoid obsessing over all my various horoscopes, I got quite a kick out of the other-worldly information received yesterday. There's something so delightfully arrogant about picking out all the bits and pieces you think hit the nail on the head. After all, doesn't everyone love hearing how they're destined for greatness for no reason beyond being born on a certain day? Never mind that there are only a few million people in the world who share that honor.....



Regardless - In the name of humility, I was even willing to read the "bad" parts so that I could proudly claim ownership to all of it. Additionally, I figured that would make it slightly more legitimate.*** Not a bad plan, eh? Well this particular combination of entertaining nonsense was actually bordering on spooky. Granted, I already established I'm flexible - I'm a regular Gumby when it suits me. So it's possible I am simply altering myself like liquid latex to fit the form. Still, if I hadn't gone through free, no-obligation channels, I might have even been inspired to pay for it! Almost.... :



"You live like a gypsy without any roots. You have trouble finding a medium between getting stuck and going completely wild: As a result, you are in danger of succumbing to some form of overindulgence, with food, sex, alcohol, drugs or another vice. " 

In my defense, I finally overcame the "food" portion of that.... well.... thanks to the drugs.... Umm.... Moving right along, it was actually almost comforting to find an explanation for all the madness. "By "explanation", does she really mean "scapegoat"?".... Glad you asked! YES!!! I have spent the greater portion of my life seeking the approval of others. It is quite possibly one of my greatest... well.... weaknesses.... Now check THIS shit out: "As a child you were likely dominated and restricted from expressing your needs. The result is that you suppress your own wants in order to please others. This challenge, felt to an extreme, may paralyze you from being aware that your desires are valid and deserve to be met."



So where is all this going? Pure, unadulterated justification for my dependence on pills. Huh? I didn't stutter. I have found that my neighborhood drugstore stocks an over-the-counter solution in a bottle for damn near every desire that sparks my fancy. And for the rest, there's always Amazon. Or that weird, ***"Legitimate" website based in China who sends suspicious packages to me once every few months with "gift" notated on the contents box of the customs form. Some would see red flags a-plenty when a website is literally wallpapered with the word  "Legitimate" in glittery graphics. Those same people simply have no sense of adventure.



Between my dangers of succumbing to pills (and other such vices), and my paralyzation of clearly valid needs: Ninja Kitty is the direct result of fate. The end product of years worth of intervention of the astrological variety. As such, I will no longer make any apology for my habit of popping whatever I can find laying around in the midst of boredom. If it's expired? Hot damn! Even better! It's had that much more time and mystical influence to become a super species of botanical genius!

Ah yes, I forgot to mention that I also bloody well rock. In addition to my dependence on gelcaps of delectability, I am also a legend in my spare time: "Style-wise, you require a flamboyantly colorful, ever-changing wardrobe. There's no sense in spending a fortune on clothes, since your tastes and appearance are always evolving. You can rock the daring, edgy looks better than anyone."



Thinking of having me committed yet? Bring it. I'm sure if I look hard enough, I will find some shady palm reader willing to back up my assertion that I am actually the reincarnation of Houdini and those silly shackles are mere child's play. The world is my oyster...or crab as the case may be.... and I clearly have been wasting my talents on the likes of reality for far too long ;)

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