Damn Broads.

"Life will sneak up on you when you least expect it this week, knock you unconscious with a baseball bat, and drag your motionless body into a nearby alleyway. "

Over the past few weeks, our adorable neighbor has been casually prodding for advice with increasing frequency. Yesterday, his ability to beat around the bush had completely vanished. The moment my husband stepped away for a moment, the cards were on the table: "Annie, what the hell do women want!?" My first instinct was to laugh... so I did. A lot. Loudly. Perhaps even a bit obnoxiously. By this time, we were rejoined by My I.D.S.T.. Our poor neighbor would probably be blushing if it weren't for the case or so of beers consumed that had done that part for him. He also knows me well enough by now to understand how I operate. Due to precisely that fact, I questioned what on earth made him think I was qualified to answer that?.... *silence*



And now a bit of back story: This neighbor - let's go ahead and call him Raoul (why Raoul, you ask? In memory of my scorpion and this is my story so I can do whatever I please!) - Raoul is a gem of a guy. And I actually mean that in the sincerest of senses. Any gal would be damn lucky to be with him and my husband and I feel pretty damn lucky to call him "friend".  The trouble? He's a divorced, single father of a kickass 9 year old and he works odd hours due to government union employment. You may be thinking what I'm thinking right now - SO WHAT? I'm most certainly not qualified to give any sort of relationship advice on any level, and I further couldn't be MORE unqualified to speak on behalf of womenfolk. Nonetheless, I'm opinionated, so ask and you shall receive.



"Meeting people" sucks. Be sure to bitch-slap anyone who tells you otherwise. On par with having to teach my 4 year old how to whistle, run through sprinklers or ride piggy back (all of which have happened, by the by), how the hell does one teach someone to be social? Especially when I completely lack all social skills in the first place? As I am apparently a glutton for a challenge, I gave it a good 'ol fashioned college try. I did have quite the chuckle over finding we both clearly read the same bullshit advice columns.... Upon learning that tidbit, I calmly notified him his first task would be to clear his head of all of it. Every last bit. Who the hell writes those things, anyway? Human emotion, reaction and interaction are not black & white. Further, I have definitely arrived at the conclusion that women, as a whole, lack even the slightest hint of logic. I must say I rather pity anyone who has to deal with them on a daily basis!



Getting down to brass tacks, I can't imagine how this cat still is single. Raoul's attractive, responsible, has a good job, is an amazing father, a caring and respectful friend, owns a home and a truck, loves animals, drinks beer, smokes with the caveat of wanting to quit, is great with tools (handy ;) ), has a bloody entertaining sense of humor and couldn't be more humble. What saddens me most is that last part - he has pretty well spent the 4 years since his divorce believing he has nothing to offer and begins most conversations with an explanation as to his lack of confidence. What She-Beast snapped him up in the first place and did so much harm?



Have you ever seen a forlorn hooker walking down the street and thought "Man, if only her daddy hugged her more as a child"? Ladies (and I use that term loosely), if you have an amazing man at home that is beginning to collect dust while you take him for granted, think for a moment about how much worse it could be - imagine going back to *shudder* dating. Go give the man a hug and once in awhile consider giving the guy a break! Not too much of one, though - wouldn't wanna go and give him a big ego or anything :).

P.S. If any of you know a SINGLE (not single-ISH, married, black widow, institutionalized, etc...) and worthy gal out there and feel an urge to play cupid for My Dear Raoul, shoot me an email!

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Kitty

Monday, June 6, 2011

Damn Broads.

"Life will sneak up on you when you least expect it this week, knock you unconscious with a baseball bat, and drag your motionless body into a nearby alleyway. "

Over the past few weeks, our adorable neighbor has been casually prodding for advice with increasing frequency. Yesterday, his ability to beat around the bush had completely vanished. The moment my husband stepped away for a moment, the cards were on the table: "Annie, what the hell do women want!?" My first instinct was to laugh... so I did. A lot. Loudly. Perhaps even a bit obnoxiously. By this time, we were rejoined by My I.D.S.T.. Our poor neighbor would probably be blushing if it weren't for the case or so of beers consumed that had done that part for him. He also knows me well enough by now to understand how I operate. Due to precisely that fact, I questioned what on earth made him think I was qualified to answer that?.... *silence*



And now a bit of back story: This neighbor - let's go ahead and call him Raoul (why Raoul, you ask? In memory of my scorpion and this is my story so I can do whatever I please!) - Raoul is a gem of a guy. And I actually mean that in the sincerest of senses. Any gal would be damn lucky to be with him and my husband and I feel pretty damn lucky to call him "friend".  The trouble? He's a divorced, single father of a kickass 9 year old and he works odd hours due to government union employment. You may be thinking what I'm thinking right now - SO WHAT? I'm most certainly not qualified to give any sort of relationship advice on any level, and I further couldn't be MORE unqualified to speak on behalf of womenfolk. Nonetheless, I'm opinionated, so ask and you shall receive.



"Meeting people" sucks. Be sure to bitch-slap anyone who tells you otherwise. On par with having to teach my 4 year old how to whistle, run through sprinklers or ride piggy back (all of which have happened, by the by), how the hell does one teach someone to be social? Especially when I completely lack all social skills in the first place? As I am apparently a glutton for a challenge, I gave it a good 'ol fashioned college try. I did have quite the chuckle over finding we both clearly read the same bullshit advice columns.... Upon learning that tidbit, I calmly notified him his first task would be to clear his head of all of it. Every last bit. Who the hell writes those things, anyway? Human emotion, reaction and interaction are not black & white. Further, I have definitely arrived at the conclusion that women, as a whole, lack even the slightest hint of logic. I must say I rather pity anyone who has to deal with them on a daily basis!



Getting down to brass tacks, I can't imagine how this cat still is single. Raoul's attractive, responsible, has a good job, is an amazing father, a caring and respectful friend, owns a home and a truck, loves animals, drinks beer, smokes with the caveat of wanting to quit, is great with tools (handy ;) ), has a bloody entertaining sense of humor and couldn't be more humble. What saddens me most is that last part - he has pretty well spent the 4 years since his divorce believing he has nothing to offer and begins most conversations with an explanation as to his lack of confidence. What She-Beast snapped him up in the first place and did so much harm?



Have you ever seen a forlorn hooker walking down the street and thought "Man, if only her daddy hugged her more as a child"? Ladies (and I use that term loosely), if you have an amazing man at home that is beginning to collect dust while you take him for granted, think for a moment about how much worse it could be - imagine going back to *shudder* dating. Go give the man a hug and once in awhile consider giving the guy a break! Not too much of one, though - wouldn't wanna go and give him a big ego or anything :).

P.S. If any of you know a SINGLE (not single-ISH, married, black widow, institutionalized, etc...) and worthy gal out there and feel an urge to play cupid for My Dear Raoul, shoot me an email!

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