Darling, Your Life Is On The Phone... Shall I Take A Message?

"You'll be green with envy this week, before becoming red with anger, blue with sorrow, and finally purple with complete lack of oxygen."

Try as I might, I can't help but find myself jealous of others for one reason or another. Just yesterday evening my mom begrudgingly told me she's all packed up and ready to head out to the coast this morning for three marvelous days. She sounded miserable about it. The poor dear. Three awful days of fresh ocean air and sipping cocktails on the beach. I would say my heart goes out to her, but I'd sooner punch my own mother in the ovaries for even mentioning this little getaway in the first place :).



Another subject readily able to spark jealousy in Miss Ninja Kitty? Those who have figured out what they want to do in life. What they want to be when they "grow up". Or this used to spark jealousy, anyway - as I believe I have finally found my calling. Shockingly enough, it has nothing to do with nudity, bongos...no, not even notions of becoming a Thai hooker... which still most likely circles back to nudity... but I digress.



Mechanic.

I shit you not. You may or may not have picked up on my long running and sordid love affair with heavy machinery. Add to that the lustful responses to scents of gasoline and grease as well as a very real need for structure in my work to counter the chaotic madness of the extracurricular.... It makes the level of sense that truly makes me kick myself for not arriving at this conclusion far sooner. I daydream of scenarios where I can work with my hands on something that possesses reason. Logical cause and effect. Dabblings in mathematical formulas and the science of liquid chemical additives. Of supreme importance, a sense of accomplishment. At the end of the day, the purrrrrr of a tuned up engine or light emanating from a newly wired creation. Valves, hoses, bolts and organs. A Frankenstein of my own design.



I mused at the reactions of those I have already notified about this bit of an epiphany. Responses ranging from "Ummm... do you still planning on wearing so much makeup?" to "Ahhh... So you think you can hang with the BIG BOYS!"  Perhaps not nearly as amused as realizing I need to procure far more supportive friends/spouse(s) ;).  To answer the first question - you're damn right I do. I delicately apply my face each morning with a Whore Gun and I have zero plans for modification. Who says a gal can't aspire to be a bit easier on the eyes while mastering the knowledge to be useful as well? If an object lacks function, what the hell is the point of form? As for the second, rather chauvinistic question - What's that saying? Ah yes: "Anything you can do, Kitty can do flamboyantly better" *smile*. Can I "hang"? What the fuck sort of question is that? I realize the consensus is that I lack hand-eye coordination on top of basic motor skills, but I've decided to refute my own insecurities of inabilities to learn through action.



The worst-case scenario? I fail. Then I shall simply dust myself off and try again. I'd like to imagine I have stubbornness on my side. And literacy.... "And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice." *snicker*



Make no mistake, there will be hoards of horrified onlookers along the path all too willing to piss on my Cheerios. What they don't immediately realize is that's the story of my life: Simple underestimation. I'm sure the pompous little one-man-Massengil-convention of a clerk at Autozone believes he won our little freon debate the other day. Silly boy. Although I will be sure to pay him a visit when I complete the necessary schooling to do a bit of schooling myself. Karma can be such a bitch, no?

No comments:

Post a Comment

Kitty

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Darling, Your Life Is On The Phone... Shall I Take A Message?

"You'll be green with envy this week, before becoming red with anger, blue with sorrow, and finally purple with complete lack of oxygen."

Try as I might, I can't help but find myself jealous of others for one reason or another. Just yesterday evening my mom begrudgingly told me she's all packed up and ready to head out to the coast this morning for three marvelous days. She sounded miserable about it. The poor dear. Three awful days of fresh ocean air and sipping cocktails on the beach. I would say my heart goes out to her, but I'd sooner punch my own mother in the ovaries for even mentioning this little getaway in the first place :).



Another subject readily able to spark jealousy in Miss Ninja Kitty? Those who have figured out what they want to do in life. What they want to be when they "grow up". Or this used to spark jealousy, anyway - as I believe I have finally found my calling. Shockingly enough, it has nothing to do with nudity, bongos...no, not even notions of becoming a Thai hooker... which still most likely circles back to nudity... but I digress.



Mechanic.

I shit you not. You may or may not have picked up on my long running and sordid love affair with heavy machinery. Add to that the lustful responses to scents of gasoline and grease as well as a very real need for structure in my work to counter the chaotic madness of the extracurricular.... It makes the level of sense that truly makes me kick myself for not arriving at this conclusion far sooner. I daydream of scenarios where I can work with my hands on something that possesses reason. Logical cause and effect. Dabblings in mathematical formulas and the science of liquid chemical additives. Of supreme importance, a sense of accomplishment. At the end of the day, the purrrrrr of a tuned up engine or light emanating from a newly wired creation. Valves, hoses, bolts and organs. A Frankenstein of my own design.



I mused at the reactions of those I have already notified about this bit of an epiphany. Responses ranging from "Ummm... do you still planning on wearing so much makeup?" to "Ahhh... So you think you can hang with the BIG BOYS!"  Perhaps not nearly as amused as realizing I need to procure far more supportive friends/spouse(s) ;).  To answer the first question - you're damn right I do. I delicately apply my face each morning with a Whore Gun and I have zero plans for modification. Who says a gal can't aspire to be a bit easier on the eyes while mastering the knowledge to be useful as well? If an object lacks function, what the hell is the point of form? As for the second, rather chauvinistic question - What's that saying? Ah yes: "Anything you can do, Kitty can do flamboyantly better" *smile*. Can I "hang"? What the fuck sort of question is that? I realize the consensus is that I lack hand-eye coordination on top of basic motor skills, but I've decided to refute my own insecurities of inabilities to learn through action.



The worst-case scenario? I fail. Then I shall simply dust myself off and try again. I'd like to imagine I have stubbornness on my side. And literacy.... "And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice." *snicker*



Make no mistake, there will be hoards of horrified onlookers along the path all too willing to piss on my Cheerios. What they don't immediately realize is that's the story of my life: Simple underestimation. I'm sure the pompous little one-man-Massengil-convention of a clerk at Autozone believes he won our little freon debate the other day. Silly boy. Although I will be sure to pay him a visit when I complete the necessary schooling to do a bit of schooling myself. Karma can be such a bitch, no?

No comments:

Post a Comment