Shit... Did I Just Hit "Send"!?

"You have to stop worrying about what everyone else says, especially nonsense like "You should dress better," "Nice people don't do that," and "Put down the gun and release the hostages." "

As you may or may not know, I have a bit of a fetish with heavy machinery. I'll let that soak in a moment.... Amongst my myriad of job functions, I have the extreme pleasure of overseeing a dwindling sea of vehicles and contractor equipment. Following the closure of a project, recently, I found myself surrounded by many of these delightfully dirty beasts. There were passing mentions of sympathy and obligatory pats on the back as I was now directly responsible for each and every one of them. Through the shrugs and sighs, I was secretly thrilled as not only could I gaze out at My Pets each day, I actually had the keys to them!!!!! (Never a good idea to leave me keys to a dump truck.... or forklift... or really anything, for that matter. NEVER.)

After much "polite" pestering and prodding from each of my four or so bosses, I finally agreed to contract for them to go to auction. I could easily imagine the emotions some creatures experience when sending their spawn off to college. There may or may not have been a tear shed as I handed over the titles (as well as my coffin box full of keys) and watched them disappear off the lot one by one... Little more than grease stains or the occasional rusted-off door handle/transmission left in its place.

The gentleman who ripped My Pets away from my loving grasp apparently saw pain upon my face as he invited me up for dinner and offered to put me up in one of the executive suites to witness the auction. Alas, everyday duties didn't allow such a rendezvous to transpire. I still drool when I picture such a momentous event - $85M worth of vehicles and heavy equipment driving one by one in front of a state-of-the-art facility as an international audience throws wads of cash at each in the throes of excitement. Some of the biggest names in auctioneering talent finding each piece a new home. My Babies were simultaneously broadcast for online bid to upwards of 700,000 eager and overly wealthy peeping toms - a Lot closing somewhere across 49 countries every 20 seconds. Is it getting hot in here?

Well yesterday evening, after I detailed both my cars on some caffeine-induced-high, I received an email. More specifically, an eFax. I waved my hand around carelessly, searching for enough of a signal to open that god-forsaken .pdf file attachment...... Just as the neighbors were beginning to gather at such a pitiful sight, the attachment arrived - The Results.

Words can't describe how proud this Mama was. My L'il Guys were all grown up now!! They fetched some seriously phenomenal cash. I suppose the emotions raging through my body would suggest that I'm more of a Pimp than a Mom, but never mind that.....Pure, unadulterated success!!

My first instinct was to immediately forward these results to each of the heartless bastards who had zero faith in the forthcoming profits. I was filled with a strange mix of joy and rage as I fought to slow my heart rate down just enough not to type like a hummingbird who fancies meth. I read and re-read my words, careful to process each subsequent sentence - So far so good.... I was maintaining a steady pace of professionalism and the subtleties of telling them to go fuck themselves in a manner they weren't likely to detect....

But I'm Ninja Kitty. I'm colorful and flamboyant. I was not surrounded by the usual sterile lighting, manufactured air through a faulty HVAC system and walls suspiciously lined in grey felt - it slipped: "Dazzled". I actually wrote that I was DAZZLED at the results. Who the fuck writes "Dazzled" in email correspondence to the President, CFO, Controller and Legal Department of a Government employer? Me. That's fucking who. "SEND". Fuck. Did I just do that? I closed my eyes just in case I had imagined it. I glanced down again - Yup. I sure as hell did. That sucker was out the door and traveling through space and time to reach the intended recipients.

I read an article this morning about some freak solar storm the sun unleashed. Not since 2006 was so much radiation put off in a single event. It's entirely possible there will be some technological fallout from all of this. Here's to hoping as I still haven't heard a response from even ONE of the aforementioned overpaid execs. Just keepin' it real, my friends, keepin' it real *smile*.

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Kitty

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Shit... Did I Just Hit "Send"!?

"You have to stop worrying about what everyone else says, especially nonsense like "You should dress better," "Nice people don't do that," and "Put down the gun and release the hostages." "

As you may or may not know, I have a bit of a fetish with heavy machinery. I'll let that soak in a moment.... Amongst my myriad of job functions, I have the extreme pleasure of overseeing a dwindling sea of vehicles and contractor equipment. Following the closure of a project, recently, I found myself surrounded by many of these delightfully dirty beasts. There were passing mentions of sympathy and obligatory pats on the back as I was now directly responsible for each and every one of them. Through the shrugs and sighs, I was secretly thrilled as not only could I gaze out at My Pets each day, I actually had the keys to them!!!!! (Never a good idea to leave me keys to a dump truck.... or forklift... or really anything, for that matter. NEVER.)

After much "polite" pestering and prodding from each of my four or so bosses, I finally agreed to contract for them to go to auction. I could easily imagine the emotions some creatures experience when sending their spawn off to college. There may or may not have been a tear shed as I handed over the titles (as well as my coffin box full of keys) and watched them disappear off the lot one by one... Little more than grease stains or the occasional rusted-off door handle/transmission left in its place.

The gentleman who ripped My Pets away from my loving grasp apparently saw pain upon my face as he invited me up for dinner and offered to put me up in one of the executive suites to witness the auction. Alas, everyday duties didn't allow such a rendezvous to transpire. I still drool when I picture such a momentous event - $85M worth of vehicles and heavy equipment driving one by one in front of a state-of-the-art facility as an international audience throws wads of cash at each in the throes of excitement. Some of the biggest names in auctioneering talent finding each piece a new home. My Babies were simultaneously broadcast for online bid to upwards of 700,000 eager and overly wealthy peeping toms - a Lot closing somewhere across 49 countries every 20 seconds. Is it getting hot in here?

Well yesterday evening, after I detailed both my cars on some caffeine-induced-high, I received an email. More specifically, an eFax. I waved my hand around carelessly, searching for enough of a signal to open that god-forsaken .pdf file attachment...... Just as the neighbors were beginning to gather at such a pitiful sight, the attachment arrived - The Results.

Words can't describe how proud this Mama was. My L'il Guys were all grown up now!! They fetched some seriously phenomenal cash. I suppose the emotions raging through my body would suggest that I'm more of a Pimp than a Mom, but never mind that.....Pure, unadulterated success!!

My first instinct was to immediately forward these results to each of the heartless bastards who had zero faith in the forthcoming profits. I was filled with a strange mix of joy and rage as I fought to slow my heart rate down just enough not to type like a hummingbird who fancies meth. I read and re-read my words, careful to process each subsequent sentence - So far so good.... I was maintaining a steady pace of professionalism and the subtleties of telling them to go fuck themselves in a manner they weren't likely to detect....

But I'm Ninja Kitty. I'm colorful and flamboyant. I was not surrounded by the usual sterile lighting, manufactured air through a faulty HVAC system and walls suspiciously lined in grey felt - it slipped: "Dazzled". I actually wrote that I was DAZZLED at the results. Who the fuck writes "Dazzled" in email correspondence to the President, CFO, Controller and Legal Department of a Government employer? Me. That's fucking who. "SEND". Fuck. Did I just do that? I closed my eyes just in case I had imagined it. I glanced down again - Yup. I sure as hell did. That sucker was out the door and traveling through space and time to reach the intended recipients.

I read an article this morning about some freak solar storm the sun unleashed. Not since 2006 was so much radiation put off in a single event. It's entirely possible there will be some technological fallout from all of this. Here's to hoping as I still haven't heard a response from even ONE of the aforementioned overpaid execs. Just keepin' it real, my friends, keepin' it real *smile*.

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