Love, Pussycats & Carwrecks

" You may not be an expert on which snakes are poisonous and which aren't, but damn it, you know a cuddly one when you see it.  "



Indeed. The title of this bit of rambling is respectfully stolen off one of my favorite albums... More importantly, it seems to sum up where I find myself in life. One might gather, with the timing of this post, that the Thanksgiving holiday somehow metaphorically drilled through all the inner cobwebs, chaos and calamity thus unleashing a new era. Nope, Pets... Odd as it seems, a certain Miss Roseanne Barr is actually due all credit (or hate mail).



It was a sparkly Wednesday morning and I happened upon the most delightful little article in Newsweek penned by the feisty dame. True enough, the bulk of the article addressed the wonderment which awaits us womenfolk beyond menopause. Strange for that subject matter to have such a resounding impact on a certain 33 year old broad - but given my recent surgery, seems it's actually quite par for the course. It also brought a precise sequence of events from the last few months swirling to a head. Little Orphan So-And-So has found a small sense of inner peace.

The essence of the article transcends well beyond the crass banter of "The Big Change" - Notions that there are, after all, circumstances- perhaps a simple state of mind - in which the mind and those pesky emotions housed within outweigh any importance once placed upon our fragile and ever-aging physical beings. In typical Ninja Kitty fashion, allow me to back that trolley up for a moment.... 



In another instant, I was enjoying company comprised of neighbors, friends and family in the sanctuary that is our creaky old garage. For little more than a moment, I closed my eyes to take in all the laughter and sarcasm - each guest increasingly (and intoxicatingly) drowning out the next - all eager to talk and share stories of days long gone by. Each subject would seamlessly beget the next, though time suddenly stood quite still when one subject in particular was breeched: Childhood dreams not yet realized.



As the conversation continued well into the afternoon, my head was mostly filled with white noise and distant clamour. Simple enough to chalk this all up to a handful of "vintage" wine coolers, but a chord was most definitely struck. I frantically tried to recall my own youthful dreams. Good lord, certainly there was SOMETHING I longed for... aspired to.... dreamed of? I kept coming up empty. Quite expeditiously, I concluded that I really was a wallpaper chameleon until well into my 20's, if not later. I never stood out or really had anything I thought I could/would/should offer. I was only minimally existing for so many years. Sure, I had friends here and there, though probably more acquaintances who lingered while awaiting their trains elsewhere. In very sporadic spurts, I encountered people far older than myself who seemed to see through the garbled murk and recognize something unique in me. I rarely understood that and more predictably shyly slipped off into oblivion so as not to make waves in the immediate social situation.

After the birth of my sons and gradually finding a way back to some semblance of a shape (other than obtuse), I found myself garnering more and more attention. Attention from coworkers, friends, neighbors and strangers. It seemed the world was becoming my oyester whether or not I put any effort to that end. To be honest, for the most part, this all escaped notice as my mind was far too occupied with nagging feelings of worthlessness and my own insecurities. As I'd walk down a hallway, I could sense an out-of-place hair or the fabric of a dress brushing against my love handles. (Nothing to love about 'em, that's for damn sure!) And truly, it's not that I ever wished to be noticed. Not special or significant. Only to somehow belong.



Out of the blue, and entirely without notice, I realized that's exactly where I am. I do belong. I will always be gaudy with my bizarre taste in clothes. Eclectic with my sense of humor. Way the hell out of left field with my ever-derailing-trains-of-thought. Yet I'm me. One of those "I'm OK, You're OK" silly sorts of moments. Makes me ponder whether the biological "losses" signify more of a renewed chapter in life than a renaissanced comedienne eludes to. Tis a magical thing, whatever the broader cause.

For such a painstakingly long time, I have strived to release myself from the chains of perceived judgement only now realizing the battle could have been won in a careless snap. What a breath of fresh air! If I didn't suspect the onslaught of lawsuits, I would highly recommend removal of all non-essential women-parts to femmes far and wide LONG before Mother Nature has a say in matters. As I sit here musing at all the imperfections painting the body awkwardly connected to my head, I have to smile. Each brushstroke symbolic of one hairbrained scheme or another. The wrinkles creeping up beside my eyes and around my mouth - marks borne of hysterical guffaws and general merriment. Even the dry, bloody cracks upon my rice-paper-plastered knuckles bring me bubbling to a giggle as they remind me of my brother. Although I admittedly feel as though I've aged a few dozen or so years, there is no fear cloked in growing old(er) and crazy(er). Is this what elusive wisdom feels like? Perhaps simply having a few more years under my belt? One less functional organ? Purely divine!!!



Much to my own surprise, I've been inspired by Ms. Barr to resume recording the inner workings of my head as this journey marches on. Take it or leave it as it's little more than for the amusement of Yours Truly. For now, I see nothing wrong with heading off for a bit of a cat nap - as long as no one at the office immediately pays any mind :). 

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Kitty

Monday, November 28, 2011

Love, Pussycats & Carwrecks

" You may not be an expert on which snakes are poisonous and which aren't, but damn it, you know a cuddly one when you see it.  "



Indeed. The title of this bit of rambling is respectfully stolen off one of my favorite albums... More importantly, it seems to sum up where I find myself in life. One might gather, with the timing of this post, that the Thanksgiving holiday somehow metaphorically drilled through all the inner cobwebs, chaos and calamity thus unleashing a new era. Nope, Pets... Odd as it seems, a certain Miss Roseanne Barr is actually due all credit (or hate mail).



It was a sparkly Wednesday morning and I happened upon the most delightful little article in Newsweek penned by the feisty dame. True enough, the bulk of the article addressed the wonderment which awaits us womenfolk beyond menopause. Strange for that subject matter to have such a resounding impact on a certain 33 year old broad - but given my recent surgery, seems it's actually quite par for the course. It also brought a precise sequence of events from the last few months swirling to a head. Little Orphan So-And-So has found a small sense of inner peace.

The essence of the article transcends well beyond the crass banter of "The Big Change" - Notions that there are, after all, circumstances- perhaps a simple state of mind - in which the mind and those pesky emotions housed within outweigh any importance once placed upon our fragile and ever-aging physical beings. In typical Ninja Kitty fashion, allow me to back that trolley up for a moment.... 



In another instant, I was enjoying company comprised of neighbors, friends and family in the sanctuary that is our creaky old garage. For little more than a moment, I closed my eyes to take in all the laughter and sarcasm - each guest increasingly (and intoxicatingly) drowning out the next - all eager to talk and share stories of days long gone by. Each subject would seamlessly beget the next, though time suddenly stood quite still when one subject in particular was breeched: Childhood dreams not yet realized.



As the conversation continued well into the afternoon, my head was mostly filled with white noise and distant clamour. Simple enough to chalk this all up to a handful of "vintage" wine coolers, but a chord was most definitely struck. I frantically tried to recall my own youthful dreams. Good lord, certainly there was SOMETHING I longed for... aspired to.... dreamed of? I kept coming up empty. Quite expeditiously, I concluded that I really was a wallpaper chameleon until well into my 20's, if not later. I never stood out or really had anything I thought I could/would/should offer. I was only minimally existing for so many years. Sure, I had friends here and there, though probably more acquaintances who lingered while awaiting their trains elsewhere. In very sporadic spurts, I encountered people far older than myself who seemed to see through the garbled murk and recognize something unique in me. I rarely understood that and more predictably shyly slipped off into oblivion so as not to make waves in the immediate social situation.

After the birth of my sons and gradually finding a way back to some semblance of a shape (other than obtuse), I found myself garnering more and more attention. Attention from coworkers, friends, neighbors and strangers. It seemed the world was becoming my oyester whether or not I put any effort to that end. To be honest, for the most part, this all escaped notice as my mind was far too occupied with nagging feelings of worthlessness and my own insecurities. As I'd walk down a hallway, I could sense an out-of-place hair or the fabric of a dress brushing against my love handles. (Nothing to love about 'em, that's for damn sure!) And truly, it's not that I ever wished to be noticed. Not special or significant. Only to somehow belong.



Out of the blue, and entirely without notice, I realized that's exactly where I am. I do belong. I will always be gaudy with my bizarre taste in clothes. Eclectic with my sense of humor. Way the hell out of left field with my ever-derailing-trains-of-thought. Yet I'm me. One of those "I'm OK, You're OK" silly sorts of moments. Makes me ponder whether the biological "losses" signify more of a renewed chapter in life than a renaissanced comedienne eludes to. Tis a magical thing, whatever the broader cause.

For such a painstakingly long time, I have strived to release myself from the chains of perceived judgement only now realizing the battle could have been won in a careless snap. What a breath of fresh air! If I didn't suspect the onslaught of lawsuits, I would highly recommend removal of all non-essential women-parts to femmes far and wide LONG before Mother Nature has a say in matters. As I sit here musing at all the imperfections painting the body awkwardly connected to my head, I have to smile. Each brushstroke symbolic of one hairbrained scheme or another. The wrinkles creeping up beside my eyes and around my mouth - marks borne of hysterical guffaws and general merriment. Even the dry, bloody cracks upon my rice-paper-plastered knuckles bring me bubbling to a giggle as they remind me of my brother. Although I admittedly feel as though I've aged a few dozen or so years, there is no fear cloked in growing old(er) and crazy(er). Is this what elusive wisdom feels like? Perhaps simply having a few more years under my belt? One less functional organ? Purely divine!!!



Much to my own surprise, I've been inspired by Ms. Barr to resume recording the inner workings of my head as this journey marches on. Take it or leave it as it's little more than for the amusement of Yours Truly. For now, I see nothing wrong with heading off for a bit of a cat nap - as long as no one at the office immediately pays any mind :). 

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