Take two of these and forget my number!

" They say your problem is inoperable, but they're wrong: It's just incurable. Go ahead and do all the operating you want."

Some mornings the best medicine is the shit that will inevitably get you fired. This has been a bloody weird month for Miss N.K.... Ups, downs, uppers, downers... Why does the 11th month so vehemently hate my freedom? This morning, it was prompt retribution for snaking pain killers from a certain mother-in-law/pusher who shall remain nameless to protect the identities of all involved. "I believe it's an opiate....or a hallucinogen. I can't remember which, but it should take the edge off". Indeed! After a night chalk full of horrifying waking nightmares, I found myself bordering on paralyzation this morning. I even had a fleeting daydream about dialing Social Services with my tongue to notify them of Mommy's self-induced drug coma and the subsequent inability to get her kiddos ready for school.



As it so happens, today in particular, I was scheduled to visit a new daycare for The Miniature One. When I finally peeled myself off the bed and choked down enough caffeine to kill a small rhino, I was out of the gate with both somehow-fully-dressed-and shoed munchkins (shit, I wonder if I remembered socks?....). Right off the bat, it was a change in routine as today I was dropping the eldest off first, then visiting the new school, dropping the youngest off at his normal school, swinging by the DMV and then off to work. I had actually recited this over and over (and over some more) in my head since the plans were made around 2pm yesterday. It's even possible I additionally made up a little song with this sequence of events so as not to be thrown off track. I've clearly become that mentally unstable Lhasa my mom's friend "mothered".... the one who recoiled in horror for hours behind the toilet because it's altogether possible a piece of furniture had been moved two inches without warning!

Kindergarten, New School, Old School, DMV, Work. Kindergarten, New School, Old School, DMV, Work. K, N, O, D, W.... Nope, that doesn't help... Who in the hell put a tree in the middle of the road!?!?!? And that sidewalk!? SERIOUSLY PEOPLE!!!! *panic* Kindergarten, New School, Old School, DMV, Work... I can't be sure I slowed down much below about 7mph or so while dropping Van off in the "Kiss-'N-Go" lane... In fact, I had to check twice to see if he had actually exited the vehicle at all.... *glance* No Van. Shit. I hope he's actually at school *panic*.



As I exited the parking lot towards the second stop in my out-of-the-norm journey, I felt the shakes coming on. I could feel myself nervously glancing around. Dax whined ever so slightly to express his discontent at our deviation from routine and there it was: Full On Meltdown. I slammed my foot down on the accelerator and peeled out of the school parking lot like a bloody banshee. Right, Left, Right, Right again.... SHIT! I was supposed to go Right, Left, Right, Left! It was an "ABAB" pattern, just like Van was learning! No time for apologies, I turned up the music and headed straight for Dax's old school... Rushed him inside, smiling politely in response to the concerned glances of the suddenly crowded hallway, dashed back outside, started the car, lit up a cigarette (this was certainly no time for that piece of shit e-cigarette that is totally lacking in the "throat hit" department I read about last night while shopping for refill oils for the god forsaken thing), skipped forward to some death metal, and headed for the DMV with my head hung in shame (which can make driving a bit of a challenge).



It took a good 10 minutes to calm myself in the car upon arriving at my next stop. I had skipped stop #2. I sucked. And not just a little. This was major suckage. That stop was strategically arranged. It was potentially for the good of all mankind. And I skipped it. I just couldn't do it. My routine was already so off kilter that functioning through the rest of the day was going to be a challenge in and of itself.

Fortunately for the good registration-renewing citizens of the north end of the city, the DMV visit went smooth as silk. Chesty McChesterson recognized me immediately upon my approach to her window and there was minimal conversation to overcome the transaction. Out the door, back in the car and on my way to work.



I have a doctor's appointment today at 2:30pm. Roughly 4 hours and 14 minutes from this point in time. *seething panic*. As unusual pains have surfaced I was finally forced to suck it up and call with the customary "is this normal" inquiry. "Good lord, what? Really? Oh my, that's not good. Not good at all. Not normal. You need to come in". Well that's just great! And no real reason to panic, right? *panic*

*sigh* Once upon a time, before I very suddenly became an old demented broad, I was spontaneous and carefree. Time was my bitch, and I treated her as such. It seems nowadays, that same bitch has become my tormentor. I am all too aware of each ticking moment and I can only keep the hysteria at bay when things are running like clockwork. Next week, I travel out of town each day for training. I'm curious what sort of apocalypse will result from that not 5 minutes into Day One. The mere thought has my palms sweating in nervous anticipation. Calm down, Kitty. Put the coffee down and back away slowly!

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Kitty

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Take two of these and forget my number!

" They say your problem is inoperable, but they're wrong: It's just incurable. Go ahead and do all the operating you want."

Some mornings the best medicine is the shit that will inevitably get you fired. This has been a bloody weird month for Miss N.K.... Ups, downs, uppers, downers... Why does the 11th month so vehemently hate my freedom? This morning, it was prompt retribution for snaking pain killers from a certain mother-in-law/pusher who shall remain nameless to protect the identities of all involved. "I believe it's an opiate....or a hallucinogen. I can't remember which, but it should take the edge off". Indeed! After a night chalk full of horrifying waking nightmares, I found myself bordering on paralyzation this morning. I even had a fleeting daydream about dialing Social Services with my tongue to notify them of Mommy's self-induced drug coma and the subsequent inability to get her kiddos ready for school.



As it so happens, today in particular, I was scheduled to visit a new daycare for The Miniature One. When I finally peeled myself off the bed and choked down enough caffeine to kill a small rhino, I was out of the gate with both somehow-fully-dressed-and shoed munchkins (shit, I wonder if I remembered socks?....). Right off the bat, it was a change in routine as today I was dropping the eldest off first, then visiting the new school, dropping the youngest off at his normal school, swinging by the DMV and then off to work. I had actually recited this over and over (and over some more) in my head since the plans were made around 2pm yesterday. It's even possible I additionally made up a little song with this sequence of events so as not to be thrown off track. I've clearly become that mentally unstable Lhasa my mom's friend "mothered".... the one who recoiled in horror for hours behind the toilet because it's altogether possible a piece of furniture had been moved two inches without warning!

Kindergarten, New School, Old School, DMV, Work. Kindergarten, New School, Old School, DMV, Work. K, N, O, D, W.... Nope, that doesn't help... Who in the hell put a tree in the middle of the road!?!?!? And that sidewalk!? SERIOUSLY PEOPLE!!!! *panic* Kindergarten, New School, Old School, DMV, Work... I can't be sure I slowed down much below about 7mph or so while dropping Van off in the "Kiss-'N-Go" lane... In fact, I had to check twice to see if he had actually exited the vehicle at all.... *glance* No Van. Shit. I hope he's actually at school *panic*.



As I exited the parking lot towards the second stop in my out-of-the-norm journey, I felt the shakes coming on. I could feel myself nervously glancing around. Dax whined ever so slightly to express his discontent at our deviation from routine and there it was: Full On Meltdown. I slammed my foot down on the accelerator and peeled out of the school parking lot like a bloody banshee. Right, Left, Right, Right again.... SHIT! I was supposed to go Right, Left, Right, Left! It was an "ABAB" pattern, just like Van was learning! No time for apologies, I turned up the music and headed straight for Dax's old school... Rushed him inside, smiling politely in response to the concerned glances of the suddenly crowded hallway, dashed back outside, started the car, lit up a cigarette (this was certainly no time for that piece of shit e-cigarette that is totally lacking in the "throat hit" department I read about last night while shopping for refill oils for the god forsaken thing), skipped forward to some death metal, and headed for the DMV with my head hung in shame (which can make driving a bit of a challenge).



It took a good 10 minutes to calm myself in the car upon arriving at my next stop. I had skipped stop #2. I sucked. And not just a little. This was major suckage. That stop was strategically arranged. It was potentially for the good of all mankind. And I skipped it. I just couldn't do it. My routine was already so off kilter that functioning through the rest of the day was going to be a challenge in and of itself.

Fortunately for the good registration-renewing citizens of the north end of the city, the DMV visit went smooth as silk. Chesty McChesterson recognized me immediately upon my approach to her window and there was minimal conversation to overcome the transaction. Out the door, back in the car and on my way to work.



I have a doctor's appointment today at 2:30pm. Roughly 4 hours and 14 minutes from this point in time. *seething panic*. As unusual pains have surfaced I was finally forced to suck it up and call with the customary "is this normal" inquiry. "Good lord, what? Really? Oh my, that's not good. Not good at all. Not normal. You need to come in". Well that's just great! And no real reason to panic, right? *panic*

*sigh* Once upon a time, before I very suddenly became an old demented broad, I was spontaneous and carefree. Time was my bitch, and I treated her as such. It seems nowadays, that same bitch has become my tormentor. I am all too aware of each ticking moment and I can only keep the hysteria at bay when things are running like clockwork. Next week, I travel out of town each day for training. I'm curious what sort of apocalypse will result from that not 5 minutes into Day One. The mere thought has my palms sweating in nervous anticipation. Calm down, Kitty. Put the coffee down and back away slowly!

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