BEETLEJUICE! BEETLEJUICE! BEETLEJUICE!

" An early winter will soon cover you in a beautiful blanket of snow, unless you finally decide to move your lazy ass from the field where you’ve lain since June. "

Somewhere between my last upbeat post and that pesky one about my M.I.A. motivation, I suspect I ceased to exist. Tis a strange feeling, to be sure. Miss Kitty can be unhealthily obsessed with all things dead and undead and I'm currently unsure whether it's simple overexposure to zombies and ghosties. Regardless, I am experiencing these odd waking dreams in which I did, in fact, pass away roughly a week ago. As my earthly form forgot to read the fine print directions and move the hell on, it simply wanders aimlessly through the mundane. To compound the issue at hand, my e-mails are going unanswered and many calls seem to be dropped. I studied my reflection this morning for signs of trauma or at the very least, laceration - but no such luck.

Hypothetically speaking, I'm curious when I'll get the memo... When the light bulb will burst with light and I'll grasp what has happened. When I'll realize it's silly to continue showering at 2:45am and reporting to work... It's with almost eager anticipation that I look forward to the first creature I startle as I pass through a room, causing those eerie chills to dance upon one's flesh. My computer is clearly a sensitive sort of beast as it would almost appear as though it's registering the words as I type. Weird.

A dear friend of mine recently died and came back... she's been going through a host of chemo treatments and the pain medication prescribed sent her into a bout of hysteria followed promptly by a drug-induced coma. She had flat lined. Long enough to be pronounced dead. Then came back. For the first time in her life, she is at peace. Now, her only stress lies in trying to communicate with the living. To relay all that has happened to her as she's so eager.... desperate even.... to convey the pure awe surrounding her experience. I envision the spot she is at mentally approaches a sort of limbo. A purgatory. No longer able to comprehend the trivial day to day, but not yet taken to another plane of being. Being naturally empathetic, my heart aches for her. Every bit of me wishes to pick apart her brain - to get lost in conversation with her for days upon days... weeks... To provide an outlet for her pain and frustrations. A sounding board. Humanity.

Perhaps it is without that humanity - that touch - that shoulder to cry on or listening ear that we die. We cease to exist because we have ceased to matter. My dear friend is a state away and unable to communicate much by phone. She has retreated into her cave as she finds it far more serene in there. I'm not sure I'm ready to go - or come to grips with the possibility I already have..... I catch myself looking above me for that kite string that offered hope out of a storm drain so many years before. Only the black speckled ceiling meets my gaze. Weird.

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Kitty

Thursday, December 29, 2011

BEETLEJUICE! BEETLEJUICE! BEETLEJUICE!

" An early winter will soon cover you in a beautiful blanket of snow, unless you finally decide to move your lazy ass from the field where you’ve lain since June. "

Somewhere between my last upbeat post and that pesky one about my M.I.A. motivation, I suspect I ceased to exist. Tis a strange feeling, to be sure. Miss Kitty can be unhealthily obsessed with all things dead and undead and I'm currently unsure whether it's simple overexposure to zombies and ghosties. Regardless, I am experiencing these odd waking dreams in which I did, in fact, pass away roughly a week ago. As my earthly form forgot to read the fine print directions and move the hell on, it simply wanders aimlessly through the mundane. To compound the issue at hand, my e-mails are going unanswered and many calls seem to be dropped. I studied my reflection this morning for signs of trauma or at the very least, laceration - but no such luck.

Hypothetically speaking, I'm curious when I'll get the memo... When the light bulb will burst with light and I'll grasp what has happened. When I'll realize it's silly to continue showering at 2:45am and reporting to work... It's with almost eager anticipation that I look forward to the first creature I startle as I pass through a room, causing those eerie chills to dance upon one's flesh. My computer is clearly a sensitive sort of beast as it would almost appear as though it's registering the words as I type. Weird.

A dear friend of mine recently died and came back... she's been going through a host of chemo treatments and the pain medication prescribed sent her into a bout of hysteria followed promptly by a drug-induced coma. She had flat lined. Long enough to be pronounced dead. Then came back. For the first time in her life, she is at peace. Now, her only stress lies in trying to communicate with the living. To relay all that has happened to her as she's so eager.... desperate even.... to convey the pure awe surrounding her experience. I envision the spot she is at mentally approaches a sort of limbo. A purgatory. No longer able to comprehend the trivial day to day, but not yet taken to another plane of being. Being naturally empathetic, my heart aches for her. Every bit of me wishes to pick apart her brain - to get lost in conversation with her for days upon days... weeks... To provide an outlet for her pain and frustrations. A sounding board. Humanity.

Perhaps it is without that humanity - that touch - that shoulder to cry on or listening ear that we die. We cease to exist because we have ceased to matter. My dear friend is a state away and unable to communicate much by phone. She has retreated into her cave as she finds it far more serene in there. I'm not sure I'm ready to go - or come to grips with the possibility I already have..... I catch myself looking above me for that kite string that offered hope out of a storm drain so many years before. Only the black speckled ceiling meets my gaze. Weird.

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