There Is No "We" In "Impressionable"!

"Balloon animals, unicycles, chimpanzees, and blood will figure prominently in your future after you run afoul of an assassin who specializes in making his kills look like especially hilarious accidents." 


As a baker's-dozen-worth of complete strangers filed politely into the room, there were two immediate collective observations: No place to sit and a giant frame of butcher paper presented awkwardly at our feet. Hardly a moment later, what we can only assume was our instructor saunters in behind us and seals us in with one swift kick of the door. "Good morning! Let's get started, shall we? Go ahead and sit anywhere that feels right and start painting."  Only then did we take notice of the finger paints delicately placed about the room. Immediately, the boldest of the strangers shoot their hands into the air. "*sigh* No, this won't do at all!" she dramatically proclaims, despite not having taken any of the questions clearly waiting to be presented. "I didn't say I'd be taking questions, I only gave the green light to paint!"..... *more hands*..... 
"So I'm to believe that out of all you plucky and otherwise intelligent people gathered before me, not one of you has enough courage to just DO?" This was beginning to feel a bit like uninvited therapy. We were certainly paying handsomely enough for it. Nope. "Creativity in Education". An oxymoron to hear her tell it. Each one of us succeeded in disappointing her gravely as we were so trained to take direction, we simply couldn't function properly without it. To further illustrate her point, she wheeled in a rickety television and VCR setup to broadcast footage of the very classroom in which we stood, filled with children. With deja vu caliber instructions, the children excitedly scrambled to find the perfect place to plop down and proceeded to paint their eager little hearts out. Dinosaurs, unicorns, something resembling a map of Russia... Color me impressed! 
I have stumbled across the theory before. Some of the most brilliant minds of all time were uneducated in a formal sense. To be educated, the woman argued, was to introduce the sort of structure we were never meant to endure if we were to thrive. Structure was for technology and architecture, not the living! 


As I was a highly impressionable Simp who was additionally always on the lookout for something justifying my remarkable laziness, that university course was pure gold. I was easily swayed with the instructor's words. It became a bit of a pretentious game opening the doors to art-house theater, beatnik-packed coffee shops and writing foreign poetry in the dark. Had there been an offering for it, I would have eagerly signed on to any given cult offering Kool-Aid and cookies! 
Don't get me wrong - there was surely some truth in her words and even sparks of good in her intention. What was horribly askew was my presence there. This was the first essential piece in the building blocks that would construct that slide leading away from earning a degree. To this day, I'm likely to spit venom when discussing the inequities of education vs. experience.... book smarts vs. practicality and street smarts... The utterly unteachable quality of common sense. And yet, I ultimately let myself down. "But, it's not too late!" is a phrase I hear often. No. Probably not. The truth is, I'm too afraid. I'll summon any excuse not to go back. Frankly, I long since gave up believing in myself. T'is a damn shame, to be sure. So instead, I obediently report for duty each day to be mistreated, disrespected, overworked, insulted and drained of the spark which once was.


When I left work yesterday evening, my spirit was finally extinguished. I curled up into my Shell-Of-Defeat, sobbed, waved my fists wildly at nothing in particular, then concluded the day-from-hell with two hours worth of feisty and rage-fueled exercise. I wouldn't believe I so much as POSSESSED abdominal muscles except for the fact that I can't inhale or sit upright without involuntarily weeping. 
Where am I going with all of this? Well first off, I'm totally blaming that teacher from 14 years ago for sending me into a spiral of self pity because "why not?", right? Ha! Second, today I'm resolving to stop living in the past. I know, I know, this is at least the 49th such post to date with similarly disappointing results - But! If at first (or 49th) you don't succeed, try and try again, yes? Failing that, there's always Plan B of actively seeking aforementioned cult so I no longer am forced to take any responsibility for my actions. I've outgrown my compulsion for Kool-Aid, so looks like it's time to grow up! Onward and upward, Pets! And a Happy No-Longer-Monday to you all!

7 comments:

  1. NEVER give up!

    Never surrender!!

    My favorite quote from one of my favorite movies, Galaxy Quest.

    xo

    ReplyDelete
  2. *smile* I'm FAR too stubborn to ever give up and/or surrender! hahaha And that is a great movie! I just wish I could maintain this level of feisty-ness around the clock! One moment I'm high as a kite and ready to take on the world, the next I'm flinching at a passing butterfly ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. So this will tell you a little about my previous work experience - I thought this was some sort of HR, 'learn to work as a team' exercise, at the start of the story.

    Feisty is good, Ninja Kitty. Very good. As long as you have it, you're gonna be fine!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hahahaha! I can totally see that! Finger painting and trust falls in the forest! Being exceedingly suspicious of everything, including my cat, I'm not exactly the model example of "team player"!

    As for feisty, I think you're right! In fact, I think I just found myself a new goal. I'm gonna plug that into my "self-evaluation" I have to write today! Cheers! (And oh yes, there WILL be booze involved!)

    ReplyDelete
  5. 49 times shows great determination - I am proud of you!
    It is so hard to stop living in the past, so hard to sort out the influences in your head that are other people and find you in there, what you think, how you really want to react, who you are inside.

    I revisit my past quite often, with the idea of understanding why I did/thought something.

    When you started writing about the finger paints on the floor, I thought it sounded wonderful! I want to do that one day. It would be an awesome party.

    I got my degree, through sheer stubborness. What would have helped me back then is giving myself the freedom your instructor was trying to teach. We so should have swapped classes! You could have done my Photography studio lighting class. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Annie, each time we try, we get a little better. A little stronger. Until finally we succeed...we win! Or at least that's what I tell myself! And isn't THAT part of it? Having our minds believe what we tell it?

    ((you))

    ReplyDelete
  7. @ Eccentricess - Awww *blush*! I love that you labeled it "great determination"! That sounds far better than failing 49+ times! And wow - sounds like we should have swapped classes! I'm afraid my creative side is so beyond chaotic, I find myself desperately in need of structure when it comes to my attempts at making a living. I think revisiting the past is something incredibly worthwhile and invaluable - it's when we forget to turn out the lights and come back into the present that it can become a problem!
    @ Pamela: I believe you're absolutely correct in beginning with the mind. Our minds can be such powerful beasts - totally overriding and overcoming the obstacles of the physical. I love your notion of improving with each successive attempt - it's a beautiful notion and one that adds even more motivation in moving forward! ((hugs)) to you, My Sweet Friend!

    ReplyDelete

Kitty

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

There Is No "We" In "Impressionable"!

"Balloon animals, unicycles, chimpanzees, and blood will figure prominently in your future after you run afoul of an assassin who specializes in making his kills look like especially hilarious accidents." 


As a baker's-dozen-worth of complete strangers filed politely into the room, there were two immediate collective observations: No place to sit and a giant frame of butcher paper presented awkwardly at our feet. Hardly a moment later, what we can only assume was our instructor saunters in behind us and seals us in with one swift kick of the door. "Good morning! Let's get started, shall we? Go ahead and sit anywhere that feels right and start painting."  Only then did we take notice of the finger paints delicately placed about the room. Immediately, the boldest of the strangers shoot their hands into the air. "*sigh* No, this won't do at all!" she dramatically proclaims, despite not having taken any of the questions clearly waiting to be presented. "I didn't say I'd be taking questions, I only gave the green light to paint!"..... *more hands*..... 
"So I'm to believe that out of all you plucky and otherwise intelligent people gathered before me, not one of you has enough courage to just DO?" This was beginning to feel a bit like uninvited therapy. We were certainly paying handsomely enough for it. Nope. "Creativity in Education". An oxymoron to hear her tell it. Each one of us succeeded in disappointing her gravely as we were so trained to take direction, we simply couldn't function properly without it. To further illustrate her point, she wheeled in a rickety television and VCR setup to broadcast footage of the very classroom in which we stood, filled with children. With deja vu caliber instructions, the children excitedly scrambled to find the perfect place to plop down and proceeded to paint their eager little hearts out. Dinosaurs, unicorns, something resembling a map of Russia... Color me impressed! 
I have stumbled across the theory before. Some of the most brilliant minds of all time were uneducated in a formal sense. To be educated, the woman argued, was to introduce the sort of structure we were never meant to endure if we were to thrive. Structure was for technology and architecture, not the living! 


As I was a highly impressionable Simp who was additionally always on the lookout for something justifying my remarkable laziness, that university course was pure gold. I was easily swayed with the instructor's words. It became a bit of a pretentious game opening the doors to art-house theater, beatnik-packed coffee shops and writing foreign poetry in the dark. Had there been an offering for it, I would have eagerly signed on to any given cult offering Kool-Aid and cookies! 
Don't get me wrong - there was surely some truth in her words and even sparks of good in her intention. What was horribly askew was my presence there. This was the first essential piece in the building blocks that would construct that slide leading away from earning a degree. To this day, I'm likely to spit venom when discussing the inequities of education vs. experience.... book smarts vs. practicality and street smarts... The utterly unteachable quality of common sense. And yet, I ultimately let myself down. "But, it's not too late!" is a phrase I hear often. No. Probably not. The truth is, I'm too afraid. I'll summon any excuse not to go back. Frankly, I long since gave up believing in myself. T'is a damn shame, to be sure. So instead, I obediently report for duty each day to be mistreated, disrespected, overworked, insulted and drained of the spark which once was.


When I left work yesterday evening, my spirit was finally extinguished. I curled up into my Shell-Of-Defeat, sobbed, waved my fists wildly at nothing in particular, then concluded the day-from-hell with two hours worth of feisty and rage-fueled exercise. I wouldn't believe I so much as POSSESSED abdominal muscles except for the fact that I can't inhale or sit upright without involuntarily weeping. 
Where am I going with all of this? Well first off, I'm totally blaming that teacher from 14 years ago for sending me into a spiral of self pity because "why not?", right? Ha! Second, today I'm resolving to stop living in the past. I know, I know, this is at least the 49th such post to date with similarly disappointing results - But! If at first (or 49th) you don't succeed, try and try again, yes? Failing that, there's always Plan B of actively seeking aforementioned cult so I no longer am forced to take any responsibility for my actions. I've outgrown my compulsion for Kool-Aid, so looks like it's time to grow up! Onward and upward, Pets! And a Happy No-Longer-Monday to you all!

7 comments:

  1. NEVER give up!

    Never surrender!!

    My favorite quote from one of my favorite movies, Galaxy Quest.

    xo

    ReplyDelete
  2. *smile* I'm FAR too stubborn to ever give up and/or surrender! hahaha And that is a great movie! I just wish I could maintain this level of feisty-ness around the clock! One moment I'm high as a kite and ready to take on the world, the next I'm flinching at a passing butterfly ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. So this will tell you a little about my previous work experience - I thought this was some sort of HR, 'learn to work as a team' exercise, at the start of the story.

    Feisty is good, Ninja Kitty. Very good. As long as you have it, you're gonna be fine!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hahahaha! I can totally see that! Finger painting and trust falls in the forest! Being exceedingly suspicious of everything, including my cat, I'm not exactly the model example of "team player"!

    As for feisty, I think you're right! In fact, I think I just found myself a new goal. I'm gonna plug that into my "self-evaluation" I have to write today! Cheers! (And oh yes, there WILL be booze involved!)

    ReplyDelete
  5. 49 times shows great determination - I am proud of you!
    It is so hard to stop living in the past, so hard to sort out the influences in your head that are other people and find you in there, what you think, how you really want to react, who you are inside.

    I revisit my past quite often, with the idea of understanding why I did/thought something.

    When you started writing about the finger paints on the floor, I thought it sounded wonderful! I want to do that one day. It would be an awesome party.

    I got my degree, through sheer stubborness. What would have helped me back then is giving myself the freedom your instructor was trying to teach. We so should have swapped classes! You could have done my Photography studio lighting class. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Annie, each time we try, we get a little better. A little stronger. Until finally we succeed...we win! Or at least that's what I tell myself! And isn't THAT part of it? Having our minds believe what we tell it?

    ((you))

    ReplyDelete
  7. @ Eccentricess - Awww *blush*! I love that you labeled it "great determination"! That sounds far better than failing 49+ times! And wow - sounds like we should have swapped classes! I'm afraid my creative side is so beyond chaotic, I find myself desperately in need of structure when it comes to my attempts at making a living. I think revisiting the past is something incredibly worthwhile and invaluable - it's when we forget to turn out the lights and come back into the present that it can become a problem!
    @ Pamela: I believe you're absolutely correct in beginning with the mind. Our minds can be such powerful beasts - totally overriding and overcoming the obstacles of the physical. I love your notion of improving with each successive attempt - it's a beautiful notion and one that adds even more motivation in moving forward! ((hugs)) to you, My Sweet Friend!

    ReplyDelete