Blessed.

I posted something very personal and rough yesterday. Somehow, it didn't make me sad to write all of that down. The experience was entirely liberating as I thought I had never wanted to face what had happened on that level ever again. I was taught all growing up, bad things were meant to be bottled up or brushed under a rug. That only serves to keep the cancer inside. When it stays inside, it festers and grows into its own darkness. I was haunted and now I'm free.

I no longer am ashamed of who I am because I overcame it... Or at least I'm working to overcome it. Suicide was an option more than once, but I'm alive to tell my story. There are those who will disown me for that, and that's OK. That's the entire point of free will. I feel mightily blessed at getting through and using that history to help and heal others as that is why they seek me out. I believe that is why I am on this planet.

I am not religious. What I am is deeply spiritual. For those who believe, they tell me god only gives us what we have the power to take on, if we so choose. In that vain, god put me on earth with all that pain so I could fully understand the pain and hurt of others. Often, I find I'm absorbing even more pain with no outlet. But as I age, I learn and experience my mistakes so I can release it safely. There no longer exists "strangers" I seek out to bait. That chapter of my life closed before I met my husband. I feel love on a level I never thought possible, now. I love and feel loved. Everything is not sunshine and unicorn tears as that wouldn't keep things interesting. I'm still under tremendous stress, but I'm learning to cope and overcome that too.

Today is a new spectacular day I was given to live. I'm entirely thankful for that. Today also happens to be Friday the 13th, which is always a celebration in my book. The choices thrown at us in life should be acknowledged as such. Choices. That in and of itself is pretty damn great. Without choices, the darkness washes over us again and we find difficulty in viewing that light at the end of the tunnel as much beyond an oncoming train.




2 comments:

  1. Yay! I was born on the 13th, I consider it lucky!

    And, 'sunshine and unicorn tears', LOVE! My husband and I have a similar one, it can't all be puppy dogs and ice cream.

    I'm glad you decided to put pen to paper and get it all out (you know what I mean. Come on, fingers to keyboard just doesn't sound the same)

    Have a wonderful weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Damn, I wish I were born on the 13th!!!! Perhaps I can adopt it as my unofficial official birthday? If we can change names legally, seems to me we should be able to alter other unsavory bits of history as well, yes? :)

    And I concur! Pen to paper it is! hahahah My weekend was FAR too fast, but word on the street is there is another just beyond the horizon! Happy No-Longer-Monday-And-Nearly-Happy-Hour-Friday!

    ReplyDelete

Kitty

Friday, April 13, 2012

Blessed.

I posted something very personal and rough yesterday. Somehow, it didn't make me sad to write all of that down. The experience was entirely liberating as I thought I had never wanted to face what had happened on that level ever again. I was taught all growing up, bad things were meant to be bottled up or brushed under a rug. That only serves to keep the cancer inside. When it stays inside, it festers and grows into its own darkness. I was haunted and now I'm free.

I no longer am ashamed of who I am because I overcame it... Or at least I'm working to overcome it. Suicide was an option more than once, but I'm alive to tell my story. There are those who will disown me for that, and that's OK. That's the entire point of free will. I feel mightily blessed at getting through and using that history to help and heal others as that is why they seek me out. I believe that is why I am on this planet.

I am not religious. What I am is deeply spiritual. For those who believe, they tell me god only gives us what we have the power to take on, if we so choose. In that vain, god put me on earth with all that pain so I could fully understand the pain and hurt of others. Often, I find I'm absorbing even more pain with no outlet. But as I age, I learn and experience my mistakes so I can release it safely. There no longer exists "strangers" I seek out to bait. That chapter of my life closed before I met my husband. I feel love on a level I never thought possible, now. I love and feel loved. Everything is not sunshine and unicorn tears as that wouldn't keep things interesting. I'm still under tremendous stress, but I'm learning to cope and overcome that too.

Today is a new spectacular day I was given to live. I'm entirely thankful for that. Today also happens to be Friday the 13th, which is always a celebration in my book. The choices thrown at us in life should be acknowledged as such. Choices. That in and of itself is pretty damn great. Without choices, the darkness washes over us again and we find difficulty in viewing that light at the end of the tunnel as much beyond an oncoming train.




2 comments:

  1. Yay! I was born on the 13th, I consider it lucky!

    And, 'sunshine and unicorn tears', LOVE! My husband and I have a similar one, it can't all be puppy dogs and ice cream.

    I'm glad you decided to put pen to paper and get it all out (you know what I mean. Come on, fingers to keyboard just doesn't sound the same)

    Have a wonderful weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Damn, I wish I were born on the 13th!!!! Perhaps I can adopt it as my unofficial official birthday? If we can change names legally, seems to me we should be able to alter other unsavory bits of history as well, yes? :)

    And I concur! Pen to paper it is! hahahah My weekend was FAR too fast, but word on the street is there is another just beyond the horizon! Happy No-Longer-Monday-And-Nearly-Happy-Hour-Friday!

    ReplyDelete