Knocking Some Sense Into The 'Ol Gal

"Surviving this week will hinge heavily on the bear’s ability to understand English, his grasp of such higher concepts as mercy, and whether or not you’ll let go of that honey." 

A funny thing happened to me on the way to work yesterday. Turns out a certain aforementioned accident managed to jar my wee brain JUST enough to make a noticeable difference. For one magical day (and counting) I was ZEN. I'm talking Office-Space-post-hypno-therapy-zen. Yesterday could well have been added to the list of days I wish to forget. But not so. It was perfection. The soundtrack was even a gentle mixture of elevator muzak and calypso. 

After months of stress accumulation amounting to a rat's nest of frustration, it was just suddenly absent. Absent in one of those marvelous ways normally requiring the assistance of high levels of toxicity. Each successive email brought about another helping of yuck to an already overflowing plate. Wave after wave of added responsibility and concern. And yet there I stood.... or sat as the case would be..... smiling blissfully and brushing it off as I would a rogue ash from my cigarette. Yes, yes, I still have that nasty habit, but there's likely some good that may come out of routinely crystallizing my lungs.

I must say, the feeling experienced has inspired me to a state of complete calm. As the resident sounding board for the majority of my coworkers, I felt like I was hovering just a few inches off my seat yesterday. This ethereal being soaking it all in whilst banishing all the bad off into oblivion. It was damn tempting to run home and change into billowing robes for added effect. Of course, that would be absurd as I don't own such a frock. There is quite simply a delicious result from little more beyond coping. I ALMOST wish I had ran into something sooner. Almost.

Why is it that many of us spend so much time lost in worry? What-if's? What-then's? How-On-Earth's? Growing up, I marveled at the stark contrast in the personalities of my own parents. This same contrast undoubtedly led to their ultimate demise as a couple. Still, it was curious. On one hand, you could visibly see.... See, sense, get absolutely enveloped in the stress of one. The other: calm, cool and eternally collected. The latter - not so much as a hint of fluctuation in tone whether the news of the day signaled apocalypse or utter elation. Quite curious, indeed. 

I don't realistically expect this fabulous brain damage to last. And it's possible the whole "Mama's lost her goddamned mind" heckling may grow old. But for now, I am floating along in a manner reserved for creatures of the winged variety. I only wish I could bottle it up and sell it. Sweet merciful jesus, I'd be rich. I've also toyed with the recurring notion of starting my own cult. Nah, too sinister. With great power comes great responsibility, no? If I can pass along the good vibe to even one additional soul, I'll be pleased as punch. Happy Wednesday, Pets.



Day One

"Sometimes you wish you could just close your eyes and disappear. Wait, no. Not sometimes. Always."

The alarm is going off. Get up. Get up, asshole. You up? Ok: Check.
Shower, down 2 cups of coffee, spray paint on some make-up and blow dry that mop : Check.
Get the kids up, dressed, fed and entertained: Check.
Got the leaves for his school project? : Check.
Is he wearing a red shirt today? : Check.
The little one needs a new change of clothes : Check.
....and a pillow for nap time (lucky little bastard) : Check.
Your 'Ol Man forgot his health insurance paperwork : Check.
Write the check for the little one's school : Check.
12 emails just came in. Answer them : Check.
Remember the pictures and magazines to send to mom : Check.
Wish your brother Happy Birthday : Check.
4 more emails.... : Check.
Make the kids lunches : Check.
Drop off the kids on the way to work... Oops... 7 more emails : Check and Check.
You're late and you forgot your laptop. Turn around and grab that and an extra lighter : Check.
Where's your debit card? Shit. : Check.
Mom-in-law needs you to mail some stuff since you're here : Check.

Get in a car accident : Check.

There's a weird feeling that occurs when your car starts spewing mysterious liquid from the massive gash in the front quarter panel. It's a mix between something that causes nauseous laughter and nervous chills. You almost want to throw your body on it to make it stop. Seems that might cause added embarrassment given the sudden onslaught of onlookers. And yet, still tempting. You wonder why you couldn't have at least caused the entire goddamned thing to go up in flames. At least THAT would be newsworthy entertainment. Even deserving of a bit of sympathy. Losing what turns out to be all your windshield wiper fluid all over the parking lot? Not as much. Yes, flames would have been far better. 

It's been a strange year, Pets. By "strange", I fully mean it deserves the finger. I've always been a firm believer in notions that we need to choose how we handle stress or adversity. I've clearly been choosing to be a sobbing lump. Quite out of character, really. Losing three people very dear to me in the course of 2 weeks was particularly catastrophic to my selfish fragility. It's best not to get me started on the news. But the worst part of it, hands-down? I forgot to write. I almost forgot HOW to write. 

My one escape. My one makeshift band-aid - to let the flood gates open and sort through all the debris while it's laid out in front of me. It was missing. And it was missed. 

I was speaking with a friend of mine about all of this. He told me I had inspired him to write. Being the hormonal beast I am, that reduced me to tears. But what greater a compliment? He asked if I was still writing and I truthfully responded "no". There was strange heartbreak in his eyes. Not because he follows me on here and not because he was expecting anything of me. He simply found it to be a complete waste of that glimmer of hope I've so desperately needed. So why now? And why not sooner? 

I'm afraid I don't have answers for either. I cling to the things I know, and I keep an open mind for ALL I don't. Time for another cup of coffee. Seize the day and such.



Kitty

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Knocking Some Sense Into The 'Ol Gal

"Surviving this week will hinge heavily on the bear’s ability to understand English, his grasp of such higher concepts as mercy, and whether or not you’ll let go of that honey." 

A funny thing happened to me on the way to work yesterday. Turns out a certain aforementioned accident managed to jar my wee brain JUST enough to make a noticeable difference. For one magical day (and counting) I was ZEN. I'm talking Office-Space-post-hypno-therapy-zen. Yesterday could well have been added to the list of days I wish to forget. But not so. It was perfection. The soundtrack was even a gentle mixture of elevator muzak and calypso. 

After months of stress accumulation amounting to a rat's nest of frustration, it was just suddenly absent. Absent in one of those marvelous ways normally requiring the assistance of high levels of toxicity. Each successive email brought about another helping of yuck to an already overflowing plate. Wave after wave of added responsibility and concern. And yet there I stood.... or sat as the case would be..... smiling blissfully and brushing it off as I would a rogue ash from my cigarette. Yes, yes, I still have that nasty habit, but there's likely some good that may come out of routinely crystallizing my lungs.

I must say, the feeling experienced has inspired me to a state of complete calm. As the resident sounding board for the majority of my coworkers, I felt like I was hovering just a few inches off my seat yesterday. This ethereal being soaking it all in whilst banishing all the bad off into oblivion. It was damn tempting to run home and change into billowing robes for added effect. Of course, that would be absurd as I don't own such a frock. There is quite simply a delicious result from little more beyond coping. I ALMOST wish I had ran into something sooner. Almost.

Why is it that many of us spend so much time lost in worry? What-if's? What-then's? How-On-Earth's? Growing up, I marveled at the stark contrast in the personalities of my own parents. This same contrast undoubtedly led to their ultimate demise as a couple. Still, it was curious. On one hand, you could visibly see.... See, sense, get absolutely enveloped in the stress of one. The other: calm, cool and eternally collected. The latter - not so much as a hint of fluctuation in tone whether the news of the day signaled apocalypse or utter elation. Quite curious, indeed. 

I don't realistically expect this fabulous brain damage to last. And it's possible the whole "Mama's lost her goddamned mind" heckling may grow old. But for now, I am floating along in a manner reserved for creatures of the winged variety. I only wish I could bottle it up and sell it. Sweet merciful jesus, I'd be rich. I've also toyed with the recurring notion of starting my own cult. Nah, too sinister. With great power comes great responsibility, no? If I can pass along the good vibe to even one additional soul, I'll be pleased as punch. Happy Wednesday, Pets.



Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Day One

"Sometimes you wish you could just close your eyes and disappear. Wait, no. Not sometimes. Always."

The alarm is going off. Get up. Get up, asshole. You up? Ok: Check.
Shower, down 2 cups of coffee, spray paint on some make-up and blow dry that mop : Check.
Get the kids up, dressed, fed and entertained: Check.
Got the leaves for his school project? : Check.
Is he wearing a red shirt today? : Check.
The little one needs a new change of clothes : Check.
....and a pillow for nap time (lucky little bastard) : Check.
Your 'Ol Man forgot his health insurance paperwork : Check.
Write the check for the little one's school : Check.
12 emails just came in. Answer them : Check.
Remember the pictures and magazines to send to mom : Check.
Wish your brother Happy Birthday : Check.
4 more emails.... : Check.
Make the kids lunches : Check.
Drop off the kids on the way to work... Oops... 7 more emails : Check and Check.
You're late and you forgot your laptop. Turn around and grab that and an extra lighter : Check.
Where's your debit card? Shit. : Check.
Mom-in-law needs you to mail some stuff since you're here : Check.

Get in a car accident : Check.

There's a weird feeling that occurs when your car starts spewing mysterious liquid from the massive gash in the front quarter panel. It's a mix between something that causes nauseous laughter and nervous chills. You almost want to throw your body on it to make it stop. Seems that might cause added embarrassment given the sudden onslaught of onlookers. And yet, still tempting. You wonder why you couldn't have at least caused the entire goddamned thing to go up in flames. At least THAT would be newsworthy entertainment. Even deserving of a bit of sympathy. Losing what turns out to be all your windshield wiper fluid all over the parking lot? Not as much. Yes, flames would have been far better. 

It's been a strange year, Pets. By "strange", I fully mean it deserves the finger. I've always been a firm believer in notions that we need to choose how we handle stress or adversity. I've clearly been choosing to be a sobbing lump. Quite out of character, really. Losing three people very dear to me in the course of 2 weeks was particularly catastrophic to my selfish fragility. It's best not to get me started on the news. But the worst part of it, hands-down? I forgot to write. I almost forgot HOW to write. 

My one escape. My one makeshift band-aid - to let the flood gates open and sort through all the debris while it's laid out in front of me. It was missing. And it was missed. 

I was speaking with a friend of mine about all of this. He told me I had inspired him to write. Being the hormonal beast I am, that reduced me to tears. But what greater a compliment? He asked if I was still writing and I truthfully responded "no". There was strange heartbreak in his eyes. Not because he follows me on here and not because he was expecting anything of me. He simply found it to be a complete waste of that glimmer of hope I've so desperately needed. So why now? And why not sooner? 

I'm afraid I don't have answers for either. I cling to the things I know, and I keep an open mind for ALL I don't. Time for another cup of coffee. Seize the day and such.